H spent the night at work smoking many cigarettes and sleeping. He is nowhere near changing his work or life style in order to get his brain in order. He is different with his anger, depression, blaming, and all those things that made him unbearable.
Lifestyle change is so necessary for an over all healthy mind and I see he is not ready, not sure if he will be. He seems to be "to comfortable" working, coming home, settling into the tv or reading maps, smoking, over eating, and just existing here. The depression has also subsided for now.
the biggest thing that seems to have a grip on him is his anxiety, and body damage he's now experiencing. So he lays around more (seemingly happy) babying , pampering "himself". He even calls himself selfish.
I can honestly say, after much sole searching and opening my eyes to other possibilities in life, that I am not in love anymore. I have love for my H but I'm not "in love", that miss you, got to be with you, make my head feel light love.
I never thought I would say that! I lived for my M, R, family and fought with all my might to save it, restore it and now I want more. He can't give me more...so I am gravitating to the idea of find my own "more".
I love fall, the weather, holidays, lot of B-days coming up, and just being home cooking. I can't see how my H would fill the need of "another" in my life, not as a partner, not really a friend, especially not a L'er. We still ML but it's just familiar, not romantic, not head spinning, it's sad...it was our time...we really had a connection. "HAD"!
How does a stay-home-mom just looking for work at 45yrs move on, move forward? Well I guess ima find out!
I just read an article on msn.com that said that sex is good for the mind, and good for the self esteem. I new this. I also saw a show that admitted that the regular sex act is healthy for you, that there are hormones and brain chemestry changes which occur, that produce a better mood and greater feelings of well being.
