i know how you feel. you have to let go of that burden, support him in helping himself and hope that he takes care of it. he will only resent you if you take over and you will DEFINITELY resent him.
M:29 H:30 M:2.5 years T:13 years No kids EA:11/2011 PA:01/2012 Bomb:02/2012 H starting another EA, I had enough and we seperate: 03/08/2012 Trying to decide what I want for a change...
H spent the night at work smoking many cigarettes and sleeping. He is nowhere near changing his work or life style in order to get his brain in order. He is different with his anger, depression, blaming, and all those things that made him unbearable.
Lifestyle change is so necessary for an over all healthy mind and I see he is not ready, not sure if he will be. He seems to be "to comfortable" working, coming home, settling into the tv or reading maps, smoking, over eating, and just existing here. The depression has also subsided for now.
the biggest thing that seems to have a grip on him is his anxiety, and body damage he's now experiencing. So he lays around more (seemingly happy) babying , pampering "himself". He even calls himself selfish.
I can honestly say, after much sole searching and opening my eyes to other possibilities in life, that I am not in love anymore. I have love for my H but I'm not "in love", that miss you, got to be with you, make my head feel light love.
I never thought I would say that! I lived for my M, R, family and fought with all my might to save it, restore it and now I want more. He can't give me more...so I am gravitating to the idea of find my own "more".
I love fall, the weather, holidays, lot of B-days coming up, and just being home cooking. I can't see how my H would fill the need of "another" in my life, not as a partner, not really a friend, especially not a L'er. We still ML but it's just familiar, not romantic, not head spinning, it's sad...it was our time...we really had a connection. "HAD"!
How does a stay-home-mom just looking for work at 45yrs move on, move forward? Well I guess ima find out!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
H spent the night at work smoking many cigarettes and sleeping. He is nowhere near changing his work or life style in order to get his brain in order. He is different with his anger, depression, blaming, and all those things that made him unbearable.
Lifestyle change is so necessary for an over all healthy mind and I see he is not ready, not sure if he will be. He seems to be "to comfortable" working, coming home, settling into the tv or reading maps, smoking, over eating, and just existing here. The depression has also subsided for now.
the biggest thing that seems to have a grip on him is his anxiety, and body damage he's now experiencing. So he lays around more (seemingly happy) babying , pampering "himself". He even calls himself selfish.
I can honestly say, after much sole searching and opening my eyes to other possibilities in life, that I am not in love anymore. I have love for my H but I'm not "in love", that miss you, got to be with you, make my head feel light love.
I never thought I would say that! I lived for my M, R, family and fought with all my might to save it, restore it and now I want more. He can't give me more...so I am gravitating to the idea of find my own "more".
I love fall, the weather, holidays, lot of B-days coming up, and just being home cooking. I can't see how my H would fill the need of "another" in my life, not as a partner, not really a friend, especially not a L'er. We still ML but it's just familiar, not romantic, not head spinning, it's sad...it was our time...we really had a connection. "HAD"!
How does a stay-home-mom just looking for work at 45yrs move on, move forward? Well I guess ima find out!
I just read an article on msn.com that said that sex is good for the mind, and good for the self esteem. I new this. I also saw a show that admitted that the regular sex act is healthy for you, that there are hormones and brain chemestry changes which occur, that produce a better mood and greater feelings of well being.
H spent the night at work smoking many cigarettes and sleeping. He is nowhere near changing his work or life style in order to get his brain in order. .....
He seems to be "to comfortable" working, coming home, settling into the tv or reading maps, smoking, over eating, and just existing here. The depression has also subsided for now.
the biggest thing that seems to have a grip on him is his anxiety, and body damage he's now experiencing. So he lays around more (seemingly happy) babying , pampering "himself". He even calls himself selfish.
Um....no, the depression has NOT subsided. All this IS depression. He doesn't have more to give you right now. Have you read Depression Fallout?
me 45 H 46 T 5 M 2.5 BD Sept 6 2011 OW Sept 8 2011 Threw him out Sept 8 2011
My h has gone to work early tonight...before I got back from shopping. It was a nice way to come home...no depression in the air, just the kids laughing in the kitchen and me joining them.
I think about H not living here anymore. It would be such a load off but that's not fair to him, I know he needs understanding and TLC, which he gets. That's why I'm making the goals to get me out, working, doing more things alone.
What if we all have a life while he's here fading...that's how it felt today when I returned from being out all day he looked like down. I almost felt guilty!
I am still too attached to him...I need to go read my recommend books.
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
I am still too attached to him...I need to go read my recommend books.
YUP
Having an understanding of all of this does help ease some of the PAIN.
It is not a complete cure but it is a step in the right direction.
All you can do is keep taking steps and do them one at a time, eventually you get to where yor want to go. But it is a long hard journey with no shortcuts or easy buttons.
woah, woah, woah. i understand feeling bad that someone you love is in pain, but you don't have to feel guilty for getting out and having a good time! you need to care for yourself, as well as support him. you can't help him if you don't take care of yourself.
M:29 H:30 M:2.5 years T:13 years No kids EA:11/2011 PA:01/2012 Bomb:02/2012 H starting another EA, I had enough and we seperate: 03/08/2012 Trying to decide what I want for a change...
What if we all have a life while he's here fading...that's how it felt today when I returned from being out all day he looked like down. I almost felt guilty!
Glad you got the book, DM. It will give you tips on how to interact in a manner that could covertly lead your H to get help for his depression and/or draw him out of it to enjoy life again.
People don't know when they're depressed, and if they are they often don't want to admit it because *it means their weak.* Which it doesn't. My H told me he's never been lower in his life, that he can't get any lower, and in the next breath said he's not depressed. Seriously.
Depression isn't necessarily sad, although many think it is. Google ahedonia. It is the inability to experience pleasure, which sounds like where your H is at, and a core feature of depression. It becomes pervasive. You need to be subtle and gentle with this. Anne Sheffield's book offers lots of help in that regard.
Good luck.
me 45 H 46 T 5 M 2.5 BD Sept 6 2011 OW Sept 8 2011 Threw him out Sept 8 2011
