How things are improving Part Deux

[Serenity13]

Its a pack of cigs, a packet of "girls things" and a note to try and open the door a crack.

No... Just absolutely NO

Just like last time.

I say this as compassionately as I know how... Do you want to end up back here 3 years from now because you continue to walk in "last times"?

Too soon? It's been going on for 2 months now. Someone's got to give just a little bit. With compassion.

Too soon? For what? Is there a timeline I am unaware of? 2 months, while it may feel like a lifetime, is actually nothing.

You want compassion?

Compassionately take care of yourself.

You want to give?

Give to yourself.

Do you even think that if I had not been able to drop the rope and focus on myself, I would have been able to accomplish what I did last week?

Heck no....I would still be curled up in the fetal position, sucking my thumb in the corner. You have got to come to the realization that she is playing you like a steel drum. She knows that she can walk all over you and you will stand up for yourself for perhaps a day and then your spine turns to jello and you are back to pursuing her in any way you possibly can.

You are allowing fear to control your actions. Afraid to be on your own? I prefer it now. Afraid that you "lost"? What you win is of much higher value, than what you have now. Afraid she is the "best" you will ever find? Change your perspective. I am worth more than that.

You are still seeking your worth in her and until you get out of the corner and off the floor, you will continue to not listen to anyone.

You are still asking "how high" when she says jump. Step back and see that you are doing ALL the work in a marriage that takes TWO. She now has the best of both worlds and you are handing it to her on a silver platter, daily.

It does not matter what is in the room, the principle was that you were not going to be locked out of rooms in your house. She could have a closet full of clothes or a mattress on the floor for all I care... Your excitement at the fact that some things have come back is quite frankly appalling (I mean that nicely)... Who cares? Say it again... WHO CARES.

Do not come back here and tell me you understand, or we are right, or you will try do better etc.... As someone once told me, do or do not, there is no try.

((((Hugs))))