How'd I miss the whole fantasy w/nephew of a friend piece? I still wonder if maybe it was on another thread.
Anyhow, JG, congrats on the job. That will do wonders for your esteem and I hope it will help you back off from pressuring. It's hard to land a job you love these days so again, CONGRATS. That's great.
Um, can you keep the "new venture" of pyrotechnics "that's going to revolutionize the field" topic lower risk than last time?
I have to tell you EVERY time someone tells me of a venture that's "going to revolutionize" (heard that exact wording half a dozen times) or is "groundbreaking" (a friend told me that one last week) or is "going to be pivotal in the industry",
I worry that maybe they ought to simply try and make a profit by year 2... and not set themselves up for failure by promising so much, ahead of time, about something they have not yet begun. MY POINT- I am wondering if that financial risk taking might stress her out more than you know. Esp since she wants a child, and worrying about a roof over your head WHILE you try to conceive, or wanted to, is a BIG drag and it's not attractive. As unfair as it seems to you and as "sexist"
women want men who can provide...don't undermine that feeling of being taken care of. We like it, even if we don't want to admit it to our feminist friends.
I can't tell you what signs to look for w/EA b/c I am not as wary of this as some and b/c she told you already, I am ASSUMING (but tell me if there's more!) that she said this out of guilt and that nothing else happened. That's she's "done" and that's that, correct??
also, What do you know of this OM? Is he funny, quirky, literary, or what?
And what were you like when your w fell in love w/you? How are you different now? What changes do you want to make and are you making them?
Also can you please just CONTROL your "needs" from her for now? It's one thing to desire your w but another to "need" her.
Needing is not loving.
Don't know how else to say it. I would also rent some comedies or go see a live comedian as a no strings attached date.
Laughter together is a bonding experience and a turn on, imo.
And it's not pursuit to go laugh together- but again, no strings...
hang in there.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I will tell you about the business venture, it requires NO money from my part. I had the intellectual property and basically sold it for royalties and a small part in development and marketing. Since I don't want to risk our nest egg at all and I do not want to put any financial strains on our relationship , I told the partners that I would take a much smaller cut in the profits but I wanted to be involved still.
As for the OM I have thought about it over and over and I don't see anything he has that I don't or didn't have. I know it didnt go any further than it did based off of how fast she told me after the feelings happened and how she has been acting since.
I am controlling my need for her around her more than ever. I am also working on needing her less and less on a daily basis. I understand that not only is it a turn off but it is also unhealthy for me and for the relationship.
Then we have the great sign of loving eye contact, a kiss initiated by her and a beautiful hug when I told her I got the job. I also was looking mighty handsome in my interview clothes.
It felt good but I didn't hold it or discuss it, just said thank you and went back about my business.
Patience, detatch, hope and Love
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
So first day of work at the new job today. The challenge is going to be a welcome distraction from what is going on with R. I feel like I can really make an impact with this job and grow it into something huge.
Still I feel a little down and out for some reason, less optimistic than yesterday for some reason. I don't know how or why, it just is right now.
We are still going camping together, going to MC together and getting into snowboarding again. Plus I have been GAL lately and making myself more detached at home as well. Why do all of a sudden feel that sense of despair again.
I backslid a little and when I talked to W about first day I told her it was going to be a challenge to get the store to the level it can be. She said that challenges are a good thing and I agreed and told her "I have a lot of challenges lately but I think they are all going to turn out great." DOH why :fAcepalm:
Her reaction to that statement was a little confusing and taken back. In my mind I was thinking this will exude confidence, but when it came vomiting out of my mouth I knew it sounded I don't know a little assuming ??? Am I over analyzing again?? Bahhhhh!!!
This is HARD!
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
Panicky feeling setting in hard for some reason... I got it stuck in my head that she is setting up for her to detatch and leave after our lease is up here.
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
the state you are in, you need to pull back big time.
You are not exuding confidence here. So I doubt you are, over there. Back off and take a breath.
CALM DOWN and stop freaking. Get a grip. Pull yourself together.
You have a new job. You look good. Your w is still there and you both are still going to MC. These are good things.
Stay the course. Read the DR book AGAIN if you have to but you need to really really get it and let it sink in so these panicky feelings don't come so often.
If a woman said "I felt optimistic yesterday but today suddenly I feel despair and fear and panic" we'd chalk it up to hormones.
That might be it OR it might just be the roller coaster we told you, you are on.
YOU can get yourself off of it by stepping off. Relax. Be the better choice whether OM exists for real or not.
Be your best self. In the end that is all anyone can do.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Results largely depend on the work you do. There are two things that immediately come to my mind, and those are (1) the wife sees you not needing her to be happy. You would still want her in your life....but you don't "need" her to make you happy. Make sense? That removes all the needy behavior you have displayed. Then (2) she needs to see what a great guy she would be giving up. That puts you in the spotlight. Your focus is being a man that only a fool would leave. That may seem like a tall order, but she must have thought that way about you on her wedding day. Strive to regain that confidence & charm again. Just these two things helps to place you in the drivers seat, instead of her.
This is how you started off your second post on this thread: "So I decided to let her know that I just want her to be happy no matter what happens next. I told her that I am grateful that she is still willing to go to an MC with me. The panicky feeling is still there, I have no appetite and I am taking a sleeping pill to try and get some Zzzz's.
Many WAW'S will mistreat, disrespect, and be disgusted with a H who tells them things like you said in that sentence. It's b/c of her WAW mentality. She is hearing you say something completely differently. She's hearing, "No matter how rotten you are to me, I'll still be here waiting for you to throw me a few crumbs. Do whatever makes you happy. My happiness isn't important."
She has to see that you are going to do what it takes to make "you" happy and if she wants to be part of your happy life then she needs to get on board and stop thinking her happiness will be through another man. When you stop kissing her feet (and having cuddling sessions) and stop moping....she'll start watching you and stop wondering what you are thinking, instead of the other way around.
Beginning a new job is a perfect time to change several things that wasn't getting the results you wanted.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Yeah I know, I need to strengthen myself personally. Step off the roller coaster and GAL. I really need to meet more friends who are not mutual friends. I don't have any of those right now.
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
