he IS a symptom more than a cause for sure. And if she is "in love" with him, don't worry so much b/c'
she's not. She may believe it but I can tell you of friends who had affairs and thought they were "in love" with their OMs and finally snapped out of it and went back home (if they could) and 2 of the 3 now say "WTH Was I thinking?? I was lonely IN my m so I picked THAT guy???"
The other one still thinks of her OM at times, and with regret that they did not meet earlier in life. I suspect she romanticizes things but she IS happy w/her actual h and 4 kids. She Just thinks the "love of her life" was the OM and that "timing is everything". So Those are 3 women I know who had affairs and are back with their h's.
OThers who had affairs, are not w/their h's. But All you can do, finally, is your best. Be your best self. This does get better.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
