Lessons would be good. You'd meet others with similar interest and even get invited on trips here and there. You don't have to own a sailboat to go sailing. I can just imagine the great times you'd have. Very good GALing.
Worth considering.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Good point about not needing to own a sailboat. I have some old friends that own one so that's a good idea, I need to reach out to them! I also like the comments you make about meditation. That seems like a great thing to learn!
Yeah, it helps get me through some tough spot but as you can see in my sitch, it doesn't always work on me either. I've had a few very good days lately, followed by the usual day-after slumps.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
W ended up calling my mother yesterday. They've always been real close and it’s been a couple months since they have spoken. I get the impression that my W is a bit lonely. My mother gave me a play by play of the phone call. W told my mom that I always cut her off to end the phone calls. Yeah, I do end the calls first, I am ok with that. My W also did a lot of complaining to my mom. W talks about her apartment being too small and she’s not talking much with her family. W avoids her family sometimes, she just doesn’t feel like talking with them because they just want to help by providing solutions to W and they can be somewhat critical towards her.
I guess my W also commented to my mother about my receding hairline. Ha, the first sign that I am losing my hair and it just happens to kick in at this point in my life!!!! Go figure.
To sum it up, W is hurting right now. She’s complained for years, she’s very good at complaining and I swear she’s never happy. Yeah, I want to reconcile but no wonder I don’t want to talk with her at times, everything she says is negative, just such a downer. It’s interesting because I am such a positive person, the glass is half full for me.
Adding to the mix is the fact that our kids will be starting school in a couple weeks. We separated right before school got out for the summer so I don’t know if W understands what she’s in for. I am sure there’s going to be additional complaints coming in regards to her job, taking care of the kids, homework, lunches, after school care, etc…She’s going to have a very full plate.
Darn, not much feedback. Who know's, maybe it's because I havent been asking many questions, I might have db 101 down or I am in stand still mode. Bingo, maybe all of the above?
It's interesting that she would contact your mom after all this time. She knows it'll get back to you , I'm sure. Nice going on the "ending the calls" first. I think I'd try a 180 on this and the next time she calls, keep her on for a bit and be cheerful as hell, and pleasant, as long as she is. If she starts complaining, find a reason to hang up. Just an idea.
About the feedback, I agree. There are a few people who pop by regularly, and I'm very thankful for that, but other than that it' s very quiet these days.
If you got DB 101 down, I need to hear from you. I'm still struggling with it myself.
Cheers Rough,
Arsene
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Yesterday I briefly saw W when we did the kids exchange. W agreed to drop the kids off at a Thai restaurant that all of us really like. It was my idea because I wanted to take the kids out to dinner. I was hoping W would ask if she could join us, I knew she probably wouldn’t but it would’ve been nice. Of course I didn’t ask her if she wanted to join us and sure enough she didn’t ask, oh well. I asked her a couple questions about her job which is somewhat rare for me. She answered them but quickly changed the subject back to the kids.
When I dropped the kids off this am we first stopped and got some breakfast to go, I also got W a couple of her favorite breakfast items and then I dropped the kids off at W’s apartment. I didn’t point out to W that there was breakfast for her in the bag but I am sure she quickly figured it out. Who knows, this might be borderline pursing.
Recently I’ve noticed my posts haven’t had a whole lot of depth to them. It kinda feels like I am in a holding pattern even though I know I need to continue on with my life. Maybe this is what everyone is referring to when they say you need a lot of “patience”. I still can’t figure out the whole concept “do what works”. It’s so hard to pinpoint. I have no clue what is or isn’t working.
I found it interesting that when the kids came over to my place yesterday the first thing they said was, “ohhhh, cable TV!!!”. The kids were excited because they told me the cable was turned off at W’s apartment. I am sure it was disconnected because she couldn’t make the payment and can’t afford it. Even though I don’t have the money I would love to take care of that bill for them but I already give W $1,000 a month. I also feel confident that if I start offering to take on some of her bills she will then start expecting additional income from me on regular basis and once again I am barely scraping buy as it is.
We never handled finances well when we were living together and it sounds like she’s having a hard time with the finances on her own.
Rough: I think im in kind of the same spot in that my posts don't have alot of depth right now either. I feel like im either on here whining about my sitch, or simply journaling because there is so little going on right now that Im not sure what to even ask. I dont know if my current NC is having an affect that i'll see later, or if I need to change strategies and do something different, but at least for now the dark thing seems to be working ok for ME so i'll continue down this road a while. Hopefully its working on her and i'll see the results later on. I guess the best thing to be doing right now for me, and maybe for you to is to simply LIVE.
I do know that I can see baby steps from her, I have to look really hard to see them and im trying to be very cautious that im not imagining them, but i've been trying to look objectively and think that i've seen the smallest of small steps this week so hopefully that continues. One thing that I had heard is that in about a month from now she was planning to file, but im beginning to discount this for a couple of reasons #1 b/c she has started talking to my mom and dad again and #2 b/c unless she's willing to talk to me about it first she has to know that im going to fight her tooth and nail and I still have access to our bank accounts and know full well that she can't afford to file right now.
I don't doubt for one second that she was talking about that to others when I heard it, but I also think that her mind changes pretty often right now because she's unsure of what she wants. Now is the time for me to keep my head on straight and show her what she'll be giving up if she walks. I wrote a small note to myself and have it here on my desk...I stole this last week from a poster, maybe sandi2 but my goal is to "become a spouse that only a fool would divorce" and then let the chips fall where they may.
Yes, this is what we mean when we say 'patience'. There are going to be periods of time when it seems nothing is happening. Remember, your WAW's ARE thinking about this too. You are giving them the time to decide what they want... to figure it out for themselves.
There will come a time when something big happens. Could be good, could be bad. For now, just focus on yourselves, detach, GAL, and find some damn peace and happiness... even if just for a moment.
I encourage you to continue to post here to journal, to learn, and support one another. I built a few great friendships on this board. Brothers in the Sh!t...
Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
