So reading threads again and noticing all the same song, next verse, a little bit louder and a little bit worse behaviour.
I tried to have a discussion with STBXH yesterday about stuff. And he demonstraited swiss cheese memory, complete lack of caring about our children and in general a big fat case of dumb.
I called him on some stuff he said to me. He looks at me like I'm making stuff up. I asked him why he says mean things and then can't even remember what he has said. His reply was that he doesn't understand why we are rehashing the past. And I asked how can we be rehashing what you can't even remember having talked about? (Okay, silly me.)
Why was I mad and even wasting my breath taking to him? Because he asked me to watch a TV show with him. And then he got weird when I left the room after the one show. And I came back and ranted because he said: "You are the one divorcing me."
And it made me mad. I filed the papers because I won't stay married to someone who has choosen to be in a relationship with someone else. While still legally married to me. And who says it is all my fault. And this all started because he asked me for a piece of jewelry I had made for him years ago. And I gave it to him along with a ring he got in Saudi. But it brought up all these feelings. So if OW is reading along, I designed that beautiful gold and lapis pendant showcasing the gold nugget he found when he was 13.
I quit taking the anti-depressants, they were making me a zombie. And I quit taking ambien because I had been on it for several years. I didn't have trouble sleeping until all this crap started. He said he preferred zombie me. But I don't.
So anyway I wanted to talk to STBXH about how we are going to handle the money when the D is final in a few days. And he said we are going to split the bills 50/50 until we sell the house. I told him I don't see how I am going to pay half the bills for this house when I am actually getting less than 1/3 of the money. And he said that since I am getting 1/2 the assets I should pay 1/2 the bills.
The 1/2 the assets is something I get WHEN WE SELL THE HOUSE. It is imaginary money until then. He also threatened to cut off the DirecTV and mobile phones. Funny, funny, funny. I am not the one who talks on the phone twice a day to my long distance girl-friend. Nor am I the one who is addicted to the boob tube.
Anyway, like OW used to say about her now X: It's like talking to your dog. Totally pointless. My about to be X currently has zero dealing with our finances. And I pushed for the D because I felt so trapped by his inability to move on. As much as he hates it he will have to actually sit down with me and look at the finances. Together, and make informed decisions based on facts, not what ever the heck is going on in that dark empty place where he used to keep his brain.
Maybe I shouldn't have pushed, but I think living in the same house with someone who claims to love someone else is just too much to bear. And that's the truth!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Wendy, I completely understand how you feel. You are trying to finalize some issues and he's not being helpful at all. This is the way of the mlcer...they won't help you w/the divorce or setting down to discuss bills. In fact, you are very lucky he didn't say that you would pay all of the expenses. Many of them want to have as little responsibility as possible and your h appears to be heading that way as well.
Please take care of yourself. I am worried about you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
This is the way of the mlcer...they won't help you w/the divorce or setting down to discuss bills. In fact, you are very lucky he didn't say that you would pay all of the expenses.
Very true. Just an FYI Wendy, my W "made her choice to end the M" and basically was just walking away from it all. She said (paraphrased), "I'm OK if nothing else happens". That was in regards to me leaving the house and us being physically separated. ie. That there would be NO D.
Finally, after much time which felt like pulling teeth, my W agreed to legal separation, rather than D.
My W has maintained through all of this, EVEN NOW after legal S, that I would be the one paying for D if I want it AND... it needs to be done quick and painlessly...
As snod said... they are brave on the face of it, the reality is they want no responsibility... Not just the responsibility of the work... but the responsibility of being the one who pulled the trigger...
Is there room in the same boat for me? Stbx keeps saying he hasn't finished the list of stuff to divide because "it's hard." Well geez if walking around and writing things down is hard, I can't even imagine what I was asking for when I wanted him to work on the M!
You know, once the divorce is final, he's going to pay whatever it says in the divorce decree. Unfortunately, that may mean all your cash going to paying half the mortgage unless your divorce decree says differently. So clearly, getting this house on the market needs to be a BIG priority.
The divorce decree says I get "X" amount of money and that he has to pay the mortgage. And some other words about us both taking steps to sell it. I had agreed to kick back in part. So I don't know why he had to get nasty. I've been being nice and working hard. And I suspect he is saying what she-who-will-not-be-named told him to say.
He has been working hard, too. I don't know what he would have me do different. Maybe take the full dose of Zyprexa and sit in my chair and drool? Sorry, that stuff is harsh. I would rather be depressed than spend my life zombiefied. (Yes, that is a made up word!)
The Realtor came over today and took photos. It goes into the MLS this week, Brokers Open this Thursday, Open House this Sunday!
And it looks amazing in here. I have to clear my desk top off by Thursday, and make my sewing room a little more organized. The Realtor was having fun rearranging my stuff. And she was raving over some of my ceramic stuff I made. She thought my son the potter made them. No, his mother the handbuilder made them.
Let us all hope someone has been waiting patiently for a house just like mine to go on the market. Time will tell!
Aloha,
Wendy
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Wendy, I'm sure your home looks beautiful and you've done a lot to it since all of this started. I hope, for your sake, that someone comes along quickly who loves the place and purchases it from you and your h.
Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yes, I hope there's a bidding war on the house and you get out quickly. I know it's scary, but just imagine how great you're going to feel once you no longer have to walk on eggshells around him in this extremely uncomfortable situation.
I hear ya sistah! I soooo understand what you're going through.
I also need to get my house in order, to sell. May as well do it sooner than later. Although, I didn't want to disturb my D19 while in her 3rd year of uni. There is a bit of work to do on the house, so not sure I can get it done before the rainy season, so may have to wait for spring next year.
Drooling is not a good look, so I'm glad you're off the meds. My anti-depressant is "anger". LOL
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
