I am so happy to have all these replies! Thank you
Yes, I have *really* looked at the reasons for wanting R and him back - all of him.
Our M fell apart due to a lack of intimacy. This drove a wedge down the middle of our R that made us grow further & further apart. We had a vicious cycle going which I ultimately had to put an end to. I always said that I just needed a 'break' to be able to get clarity. I feel like I was in a M burn-out.
The thoughts started before his new R and the OW. And then I pushed them aside because I was sure he was happy in the new R. It was during one telephone conversation that gave me a glimmer of hope that he *could* forgive and want me back. That's when I was finally honest with him and myself about my feelings. That conversation led to more conversations, which led to me feeling more in love than I have in years.
When I started to have doubts about my leaving, I was sure he wasn't ready to hear that. I still don't think he's ready for it now...which is obvious because he still wants to pursue/choose OW.
