I struggle with fighting for someone who hates me for it and not fighting for someone who doesn't realize I'm worth fighting for too. Even if I do meet someone, I'll still be this way towards my W until I can figure out how to deal with it. I just don't know how right now and not trying hard to figure it out is not my way
Ok. I suspect you will do it this way. At least until it doesn't work for you and you are satisfied it doesn't work for you. Unless of course it does, right ?
I hear ya. You have a lot of new experiences to...experience that you didn't expect. It can be very overwhelming. The things you notice that you didn't need to notice before. The things you have to do now that you didn't even want to consider doing before. What it does to your family, your kids, to you.
You describe things almost as if there is a bright shiny world on the table, with one black spot on the table cloth (your W) and you are looking at it like you Maitre'd that wants his restaraunt perfect. Perhaps with curiousity and disdain but also an aloofness.
That's how it sounds at any rate.
But then again, you are still figuring out how to live life without wondering any longer what she is going to do. If it were me, I would have been holding my breath for so long, it might be hard to unwind, if that makes sense. But at this point it is now time to start dealing with issues that you put on hold for so long. To change direction vs. where you were heading before.
It takes time. It takes time because you need time to face the different situations. They also need time to come up.
Seems reasonable to me although I think you have more to go and will be dealing with them for a while. I'm glad you're not trying to force anything any longer...
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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