Needing some guidance... 5

[reachingHigher]

Oh, my dear, sweet jks. Somehow make it a priority to see a counselor right away. I picked a Christian counselor, but she is a counselor first, Christian second. That means she has values aligned with mine yet is helping me get out of this mess. I can't explain what a huge difference that has meant to me being to talk to someone independent of our sitch.

And start thinking today about you. Really, you can't change him. But you can change you. Focus on that new place, that new job. You have to do this for yourself, your kids. and you can. I know you have given me similar advice.

The pain right now is unbelievable! Especially every time you see him. I'm so sorry!

Do you have journal entries, lists of priorities, copies of posts from here that speak to you -- that you can review when you are down? That's what I do. When I feel down, I sort of cease other activity, do mental work until I can get in the "right place" again -- and then go on.

I don't think it's sick and twisted at all about feeling betrayed by your kids. It's just jealousy. And that doesn't feel good at all! I often feel jealous of the R my H s building with my kids -- and I know it's a healthy thing. I just want some of that affection too!

Jks, post again today about how you are. I will be thinking of you all day today. Can you get out and take some pics? Of something new? Different subjects? Different lighting? Different backgrounds?

((((((jks)))))

[adinva]

((((jks)))) You need more help. An IC to help you learn coping skills, not to work on your marriage. Maybe reread the posts you've received from 25 and others to help you stop spinning. You're resisting the universe but you only control you and your reactions. It's a message I needed this morning too.

[labug]

One thing that got me into gear was the fact that I didn't want my kids to have this memory of "The Year Mom Lost It." Not saying I wouldn't have gotten it back but the memory would have been there. As it is they had about a month of it.

jks, I know how much this hurts but it does get better in time. And that's the hard part, it does take time. Get some hep to get you through this really rough period. It's OK.

[jks]

Jks, post again today about how you are. I will be thinking of you all day today. Can you get out and take some pics? Of something new? Different subjects? Different lighting? Different backgrounds?

RH, thank you for your support and to you other ladies as well. I do think I'm slipping into a depression. I do have AD's and have been trying to take them regularly but I don't have a routine with them so I forget quite often. Sometimes I don't even know if they help. My situation is just so depressing as it is.

I fell asleep last night probably around 4:30 or later and now have a huge headache. I didn't really sleep much and I look like a train wreck.

I have to go in to work today and I saw that they gave me a huge load of work to do. They emailed me all of the clients I have this morning. So I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed because I can't focus. Plus, I don't know what I'm going to be doing with my kids when I get them back this week and have to go in. It takes me a long time to get my work done right now because its so new so I'm not as efficient as I need to be.

Just makes me sad that I'm going to have to work 40 hours a week and my H will have my kids 3 days of the week so I will feel like I don't ever see them. Don't get me wrong. I'm grateful for the job but I'm going to miss being in my children's lives as much as I have been. They're at an age where they're changing and learning so much everyday. To miss one day is to miss a lot. Especially with D1. I swear she's saying a new word every day.

Ugh... I'm just so heartbroken in so many ways. I want to be stronger but my mind continues to lead me down a negative path.

RH, what suggestions do you have as far as finding the right IC? I could Google people but don't know what to look for?

[vera be fierce]

Jks, just a quick note, if you are on ADs, they must must must be taken regularly for at least a few weeks before you can tell if they are working. Maybe carry them in your purse and set a reminder on your phone or resolve to take then every night before bed or every morning w breakfast. I have seen many cases where they aren't "effective" bc they weren't taken regularly.

Hope you can get a better nights sleep tonight. ((( )))

[labug]

Agree with Vera and sometimes you have to try others or increase the dosage, with the guidance of your provider.

But taking them regularly for at least 2 weeks is key.

[bustingout]

echoing...they need to be taken regulalry and at least for two weeks to get the effect.

jks i too hope you get a good nights sleep and i know the sitch will look better in the morning.

(((jks)))

[reachingHigher]

Jks, first I picked a town that I liked the type of activity there. In my case, I picked the university town, and we are in the Bble belt so I was hoping for an intellectual-type Christian.

Then I called our insurance provider and asked for a list of all preferred counselors. Then I took the list and looked through their websites looking for "solution-based therapy". And someone who works with couples, and specifically reigniting the spark or dealing with midlife crisis.

Then I called and talked to the person on the phone. That can tell you a lot.

I got some of those ideas from DR. I don't have it in front of me right now but I thought there was a section on finding the right therapist. If you don't click with them, don't go back.

Take your mom or a friend the first time too, is an idea. They might see something you don't -- a red flag or a way they could help you if you don't see it.

I took H on the first one. I was crushed he didn't want to continue, but in hindsight, I really needed it for myself. And you do too.

How thIs can help a little bit. I saw a quote the other day something like, "if you want something new and different, you have to do something new and different". Simplistic but true!