MLC with depression....double the fun!

[timbits]

oh my. i was in this sitch for a long, long time. it was very hard to determine the difference between support and taking over all responsibility of his depression. i spent YEARS caring for h, taking all responsibility for his illness, making appointments, listening to him rant and rave, having to be his therapist, taking him into the doctor's, making sure he was taking his medication, blah blah blah. honestly, it is exhausting and it will suck you down into a depression, too. h resented me greatly when i finally told him that i could support him, but i couldn't be his therapist or be responsible for his illness, he had to take control of it and be responsible for his own health.

it was probably one of the hardest things i've ever done. at the time, h was actively suicidal and one phone call away from being hospitalized. it was terrifying, but i felt like i was dying, too. when i made him take responsibility for his own health, it was a huge weight off my shoulders.

i would do what kd suggested. asked him to be specific in what he wants from you. does he want you to make the appointment? does he want you to suggest a doctor or therapist? does he want you to do everything, including scheduling the appointments and driving him there? you need to set your own boundaries for how much or little you can do. but don't try to do anything. he has to fix this for himself. he has to take ownership of his illness and treatment.

i suffer from stage 3 liver disease unrelated to hepatitis or drinking (i always say i have the liver of an alcoholic, but without any of the fun, so it's not like it was worth the party). while h would occasionally go to appointments with me, it was my responsibility to eat right, make the appointments, do my blood work, manage my health, sleep and diet and care for myself. it made me realize that his depression is no different.