Nope, there wasn't. I don't believe in 'soul mates' or 'the ONE.' Neither does my H. I wanted a certain kind of life, my own career, some kids, a wonderful husband, love and security and a happy home. I have been in love and considered marrying three men only; the first I allowed to end because I saw his controlling and cruel side potentially turned on me (he was in charge of 'pledge training' at his frat). The second I allowed to end because of his risk-taking and drug use. H was wonderful and nothing was a serious red flag to me so we grew together and after four years couldn't see a life without each other so we married, and after four years of enjoying marriage together we took the leap and had kids.
I don't believe I know what the intangible special thing is, and if I thought it played a part in my marriage, I think we would have been over when H told me he wasn't attracted to me anymore. I am 100% certain that I could turn that around with openness to change on h's part. That requires me not to believe in some 'intangible' thing you just can't help.
I don't know if I'm lacking something most people have, or if I'm just fine, but I live more in my intellect than in my physical, emotional, or spiritual side, it is where I am 'me.' My IC has noted how deeply I feel and how extremely emotionally aware I am of others, or how empathetic, so I don't think I'm missing something. But that's where I start thinking again about my 'color blue' argument.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
