Had a bit of a chat with H tonight. Once I told him about how I'd bought some of that stuff to unclogg the shower drain I was proud that I'd taken care of it and he said oh I had some you should have asked. Well it's happened again I have a lot of hair! LOL so I texted and asked. He said he'd bring it by tomorrow he's taking S to the airport who is flying on his own. EEEK he's 17 but I'm a mom and nervous anyway. He told me don't worry he's in good hands. I felt bad because H thought I was worried about him. But I wasn't questioning him. So I made a joke about him once losing his passport and then then said only joking I totally trust you, you know that.
No Brit... you mostly flew under my radar... lol...
What I WOULD offer, is... are you ready to decide what you want, now? It does sound you are a little afraid to take another step forward... Why might that be?
Thanks KD! If you flip a few pages back H told me he was going to marry GF and then he came over on Friday and offered me a drive to the pub whilst his GF was waiting for him to take her to the hospital because she'd broken her hand. The next day we texted quite a bit. I think he's in the crazy train but our friendship is getting better.
As far as not wanting to take the next step I do! I really do! I'm just overly concerned that he's not that into me (neediness issues with self worth?) and that I'm saying I want to go slow and then I wonder why he didn't absolutely want to make time for me this past weekend and because I don't understand my own behaviour/feelings I'm trying to make sure I'm not getting caught up. I hate the game of dating but I enjoy spending time with him. Ugh just trying to stay in the present, enjoy that with no expectations!
Ok for a second I was confused an though your were referring to H in the above post, then I realised it was strawberry man lol!
A glad to hear your friendship with H is becoming more equal and positive, but I have to say I still do find his recent actions ...weird...is that ok to say?
And I think it's perfectly great to take things slow with strawberry man. Or anyone else for that matter. This is about you, on your terms, your timeline.
Take care Brit ((( )))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
WEIRD is totally fine!!! Yes Weird! That's accurate. Nothing surprises me tho. I just sit on the blanket and don't get sucked in.
It was strange when he was talking about D paperwork and visa paperwork getting out of the one he's in now applying for another what would be involved etc etc. And I just sat there thinking none of this concerns me I don't really need to know the ins and outs and I thought WOW I really have detached from that. And I said right so all I'm doing is not including you on my visa app in a few months. And it sounds like you're taking care of the whole filing for D. cool.
I read something today on the daily love. I subscribe to their newsletter it's really good. Anyway it said that he'd had a back injury and because of that he was including more yoga and less gym and he said if I didn't look at the injury as a bad thing but just as part of the journey what would I do differently? If it's only another part of my journey then it's just information.
I like that...so this separation, this M, this D, is just another part of my journey...just like loads of other things that have happened in my life.
H texted me from the airport and we had a very nice exchange where I thanked him not just for giving S a ride by for being the guy that cares enough to stay and make sure he gets on the plane and is safe. It means so much to me. I said I'm so glad we can have a weird modern family and make it work it makes me very happy. He replied and said We may not be in love anymore but I will never stop loving that boy or his mother. (then he told me he was in tears in the motorcycle magazine section of a bookshop) And I told him that yes I'd always love him too.
I think it's fantastic that we had that moment today. I'm not trying to win him back, but it's a massive massive step forward from not being a part of his life previously.
Last night I met up with a friend for dinner after work. He had moved out of the country in Feb and came back to visit. He didn't even recognise me post weight loss. Great feeling. Then we talked and he of course asked me how I was dealing with H and then he said "I have to say I've never seen you so relaxed so happy. You totally seem like you're doing good"
It just felt great. I think I'm doing good but to have someone else notice it is great.
A girlfriend of mine joined us and she asked me about Mr Strawberry. I updated her and was said "but I'm not sure what he thinks about me x, y, and z" and She said "why are you trying to talk yourself out of this?" I honestly think I'm so nervous about rejection or putting myself out there that I'd rather convince myself there's nothing there and not get carried away. I think that's a good plan not to get carried away either way. But I think I need to just let it be.
No Brit... you mostly flew under my radar... lol...