i'll try not to make it more than it is - and i know that you are all with me, i just wish i was stronger right now.
i'm going to meditate before i call him - i can't in the state i am right now - i don't even want to hear his voice
i think my reaction is way way more than what is going on. it's bringing up old resentments from years ago - not just with him but with my ex too - where when i wanted to work or had a good thing going with working, they always chose that time to "need" something.
and i always gave it to them at the detriment of my work, in some ways. now when he's asking for my focus on this after a whole year - i'm pissed as hell that it comes right when things are a bit crucial with this new job.
the lesson here though for me is balance - i'm not sure i know how to balance the chaos of his stuff with my staying focused with this new job, that is requiring me to overhaul my daily structure.
so maybe that is the real fear behind this - and maybe the anger is more towards myself, because i'm angry that i am being so affected by what he is doing and it's affecting how i approach my work.
maybe i am just projecting my own stuff onto him.
and there i go - KD - working through this
thanks both of you for being here for me - i can't believe how much support i need even now after a whole year! but i'm so grateful that it is here for me
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
