The MLCer's descent to inevitable crash and burn

[Kimmerz]

LOl.... that's true kml to all of the above..... yes the thought of it all is nauseating!

I've noticed that the stories are a tad different between the two of them at times, and that at times the stories change slightly. Im not trying to pin every detail down as evidence in a homocide investigation. However if you generally get the same report for 9 months, I figure with the exception of small details, its basically true.

XH is no longer speaking to me. Im being punished and given the silent treatment for standing my ground with him over a month ago on the stolen ipod/itouch issue. So attempting to speak with him is futile.

Even if we were speaking, more than likely he would become intensley defensive and blame it all on me.

I sent out two probes after the fight. One a week later. The other 2 weeks later. I did apologize for the fight and told him that I did understand his point of view better after I thought about it for a couple of days. I told him I hated fighting with him, which is the truth. Absolutely no response except his days off this week. Tomorrow is his birthday. I let him know that when we get back from D12's md appointment they can stay with him all day. Still no response.

This is how XH always was when married. He would get angry over something. Suddenly, I was getting the silent treatment and frozen out. Any attempt to resolve anything ended up in him being very rude, sarcastic and arrogant, letting me know if I hadn't had "provoked" him in some way, then he wouldn't have been mad and not spoken to me for 1 - 3 weeks.

Gee how do you co parent and problem solve with that? By walking on egg shells and taking the blame every time. Not anymore!

It's passive aggressive and a mind game as far as Im concerned. He has no desire to problem solve with me and is back to mean and nasty spewing.

So WHATEVER. I give up and go back to my stance that Im missing the part that his girlfriend's attitude is my problem. Let it fester and rot until it blows up in his face. If the kids become rude and obnoxious to her on his time, well he can handle it. He wants to shove a blended family down everyone's throat, he can go right ahead. He can also deal with his daughters and his girlfriend not liking eachother.

[kml]

This is how XH always was when married. He would get angry over something. Suddenly, I was getting the silent treatment and frozen out. Any attempt to resolve anything ended up in him being very rude, sarcastic and arrogant, letting me know if I hadn't had "provoked" him in some way, then he wouldn't have been mad and not spoken to me for 1 - 3 weeks.

Wow - really? Sounds horrible. How come you haven't joined us over in Surviving the Big D? Sounds to me like you're well rid of him.

So WHATEVER. I give up and go back to my stance that Im missing the part that his girlfriend's attitude is my problem. Let it fester and rot until it blows up in his face. If the kids become rude and obnoxious to her on his time, well he can handle it. He wants to shove a blended family down everyone's throat, he can go right ahead. He can also deal with his daughters and his girlfriend not liking eachother.

Probably a healthy approach to take.

[Kimmerz]

KML,
I will come on over and check things out!

Guess I stay here because these MLC antics ARE REAL.

I stay here for the reality check.

Need to be making my own new reality now too!

Yes I really am lucky to be rid of him. He had turned into a Monster really. I suffered the loss because I didn't want to give up my dream that he and I could work out our problems.

But I've learned it really takes two and IMHO no standing will ever change anyone WAS mind if they're determined...or having too much fun waffling and cake eating all the way. For me, standing was no longer an option when the cake eating came in and it was as obvious as a broadside of a barn.

I can thank the education I've received from friends here to help me see the antics of these MLCers.

I think what's so difficult for me is that I am a problem solver and strive to find the root cause in problems so they can be resolved. Im a peacekeeper, and strive to communicate so all can be well and there not have to be so much conflict. Seriously, that's how I've felt all my life. If more people were able to have empathy, truly listen and communicate and articulate actively, gee wouldn't we all just get along better?

But I feel like I have nothing but a Warmonger of and XH. I don't roll that way. Never have, Never will. But I will put my foot down and say my peace and plant my boundaries down with an iron fist if Im pushed hard enough. Kinda sad people are so self absorbed you get to that point that you have to.

[AJM]

I think you are a problem solver.

Can I ask though - can you solve the problem that your ex's OW is ignoring your daughters and making no effort to connect with them?

I think you answered that, but wanted to highlight it. Because you cannot. I think she has an agenda as well and it has nothing to do with your daughters.


One thing that always puzzled me about my ex and other's on this board: they seem to pick somebody that is just "broken". I've wondered is that our perspective talking or is that how it really is?

For my money, I think it is reality. I think they pick somebody so opposite, it's almost like they punish themselves in their anger.

But over time, it is just what it is. It's their choice, and while we don't like it (often) it is for them to figure out and fix.

I don't think that's a bad thing for your daughters to be honest. I think it's a good thing they are not getting attached to her. I can't imagine she'll be around for very long unless he is so totally blind that he does something stupid.. Oh wait (seriously, she has one foot out the door already from that description).

Let it play out and be there for the kids. It'll work out just fine in the end if you are there for them.



Crazy people. Meh.

AJ

[Kimmerz]

Hi Aj,

Yes Im a problem solver. Not only by nature, but my job requires consistent probem solving skills. So I tend to bring it home with me at times. But the beauty of being a problem solver is that though you may be able to see or come up with solutions to problems, you do learn by experience that you can't solve them all or fix them all.I think accepting that you can't solve everyone's problems is the biggest solution to alot of problems in this world! And I must say it's actually a RELIEF to understand this. It's liberating!

I can't solve the problem about Ow ignoring the girls or making a point not to connect with them. Im just pissed she's being rude to my girls. Mamma bear thing you know.....

Yes AJ it I'd say the majority of the ex's is they definately affair down, that's for certain. It still puzzles me why....guess another problem I can't solve or figure out. Perhaps it's energetic, like attracting like, and a learning oppurtunity for them to grasp issues they were refusing to look at or come to grips with when they decided to run in the first place.

I know one thing I've seen in my life is that life always brings up oppurtunity time and time again to teach us something until we finally learn it. I must say this divorce through XH MLC, has brought up every personal fear I've had and has pushed me to face it head on! Life school has been tough, but Im coming through it pretty darn good in my opinion. Aside from my brusied ego (damn ego makes life so hard) I feel so much more solidified and centered in myself now.

[AJM]

Aside from my brusied ego (damn ego makes life so hard) I feel so much more solidified and centered in myself now.

And I see that in your posts as of late, Kimmerz. Meant to say something about that a little while back. I'm very happy you have found that center and re-found (word?) that it is ok to not solve every problem. Some problems are better left unsolved really, no?

Peace,
AJ
AJ

[Kimmerz]

Thank you AJ! That means alot to me, coming from you.

Oh yes some problems it really is better to just walk away from. I learned thi first hand after seeing a good friend yesterday for the first time in 3 years. We keep in touch daily but never get to see eachother in person. The drama her husband and daughter have. Her husband is in midlife transition, but it hasn't hit crisis mode thank God. She was so sucked up into and upset, and Im just looking at her thinking" she can't solve this problem. Why is she doing this to herself?"

So I told her to walk away from that drama cause it causes her too much stress. She's on Xanax no and that drama has alot to do with it.

So as we've just discussed we can't solve all the problems and issues, something just struck me this afternoon.

The phenomenon of the MLC amnesia!

XH has forgotten all the girls favorite foods, and favorite treats.

Though some people don't approve, Im a mom that lets the girls EAT THE COOKIE DOUGH before we bake them.

XH knows this. he's seen it 100's of times.

He bakes cookies at his place and when the girls asked for a spoonful of cookie dough, he is repulsed and says " YOU EAT RAW COOKIE DOUGH???? YOU'RE GOING TO GET SALMONELLA POISONING!"

So I thought to myself " that must be that MLC amnesia talking".

I've also noticed that there were times that he made comments to me, things about himself like I didn't know. He explained to me when we were at the hospital for D9's surgery that he can't eat certain types of lettuce because it gives him heartburn as well as many other green vegetables.

I said to him " yes I know, I didn't forget".

How could I? Everything I cooked had to revolve around his GERD!

I am not complaining, but looking at this amensia phenomenon analytically, and find it quite interesting.

What makes swiss cheese brain like this? Is it truly hormonal?

Stress? I ask too, because I kinda have swiss cheese short term memory loss, but I also know it's because Im trying to juggle at least 5 things at once. It seems life just keeps on going and my juggling abilities ave fallen short. Im wondering if my hormones are giving me brain drain or something!

Any thoughts or comments from anyone!

[Kimmerz]

Hence......see all the typos?

Is this hormonal?

ROFL.....

[TSquared2]

Well Kimmerz,

I think part of the mlc amnesia is just that they are so focussed on their fear and escaping pain and discomfort...you said it best "juggling 5 different things"...now add trying to manage real life with all the brain power devoted to escape, figuring out, etc the mlc'er does. I have been amazed at the forgetfulness myself...

W has peri-menopause/menopause and documented hormone imbalances, her ob/gyn gave her a bookmark with the "7 dwarves of menopause"...forgetful is one of them...so maybe...and if memory serves you are bumping up against that age bracket and...

...where was I going with this again?




T^2

[TSquared2]

You sound like you are doing great and awesome, btw....