Looking for something to keep me fighting

[NASCARDaddy]

The toughest part of this being a Christian is that I believe God already knows the outcome, that He wouldn't put more on us than we can handle, and that it would be His desire for us to R at some point and honor our vows and His bringing us together as one in the first place. I just don't feel any of that right now.

I also think you're failing to account for your wife's FREE WILL in this equation. No, it is not ever God's desire, nor His perfect will for us to divorce. But He DOES give us free will, and He would never force us to be together. As much as His heart may grieve by your wife's actions, it is still nevertheless part of His eternal plan for her to have that choice to make.

And yours to accept it, even as you pray for a different outcome.

Tough, I know. Remember, I was there too.


Starsky

I agree with Starsky on this. There is no such thing as destiny; God will not force us to do anything. However, you are also right in recognizing that God will not give us more trials then we can handle. Of course I have actually told him when I pray that I wish he did not have such a high opinion of me, but it is that knowledge that has helped me get through some of the tougher times. I would remind you of the Garden when even Christ felt inadequate to the task at hand and called upon God to remove his trials. Yet even then he said "never the less not my will but thine be done."

Yes, God knows the outcome. He knows what you need to make you stronger and better. It is important to accept that he is in control. Things may seem hard now, and I hate to tell you this but they are likely to get harder still. But they will also get better.

Let me ask you a couple of questions. You don't have to answer here but you do need to answer. Is your wife TODAY someone that you would want to be with? If you took her back right now exactly as she is how long would your relationship realistically last? Can you honestly say that you would be happy in a relationship with your wife if she stays exactly the way she is today?

These are tough questions and the answers may be tough to face. However, when my therapist posed them to me it was like an eye opening experience. It made detaching and going NC seem so much easier because I realized that I was trying to get back together with an ideal version of my wife, not the woman that she is right now, and that a relationship with who she is would never make me happy or last. I continue to pray for her to make changes in her life but I also realize that praying is all I can do for her. Learn to focus on you right now, and you may be surprised what the Lord is waiting to bless you with.