Your last posts have clarified things for me, I get where you are coming from better, especially regarding the frustration regarding telling W you real feelings. I really like this question:
Quote:
I often question if the Acceptance I'm looking for is of me and not my situation.
My answer is "both"...accepting yourself, AND your situation. Look up the Stockdale paradox.
Oh, and the acceptance thing is an ongoing process, at least for me. Always can find something to fine tune.
It's okay to hate what your W is putting the kids through, and maybe that is an area where you can tell her your real thoughts and feelings...when the time is right. In my sitch, W was pushing on the line bordering emotional abuse with one of our kids, so I did confront her on it, and left with the child for a couple of hours, leaving her alone with this reality(the other kids were at friends houses)...that the kids came first, and as she was bumping up against the emotional abuse line, that I would remove the kids from her outbursts, etc, until she gained control of herself. She could keep trying it with me, I'm an adult, but the kids would not be put through it...period, "whatever" it took to ensure that they weren't.
This was REALLY tough for me, as W had been abused as a kid, and emotionally abandoned, so I had a pretty good idea the impact of saying and doing this would have. I hated having to say that to her, hated that she was doing what she was, BUT, the kids come first...
I always said of W that everyone should really pay attention when her Mama Bear got activated...well, there is a Papa Bear in the house as well.
And I do hate the bullying behavior of mlc'ers, hate the behavior and try not to hate the person doing the behavior, tough as it can be sometimes.
I think you are doing awesome with your sons through this!
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
