ng - you and vera are so good to me. i've left this to the last minute to even find out what it is all about.

i'm embarassed to say i haven't even let my mind go there to find out what numbers i would even look at.

what numbers were you looking at? to buy out her share of the condo?

i don't even think there is anything to complain about where h is concerned. he doesn't want anything, i don't think. he wants me to buy out his share of the house - which is very little- he's insisting the rest of it is mine, because my parents helped us pay it off. he doesn't want to touch my investment, which is why i think he got so upset when i said that we can't use that money for joint living expenses.

he's shared his paycheck with me this entire year. i don't know what he will be proposing but will find out when we talk. he's carried the financial burden ever since my accidents in 2007, so he's done more than his fair part.

so apart from "giving up" health insurance, there's not much else i would be giving up - except having to buy out his share, which frankly is not really that fair to him - he's only counting it as the money his parents put into buying this house - not the years of him working to pay the mortgage on the last house.

in fact, unless he's got something up his sleeve, he's walking away with nothing - i'm sitting with a house and car paid off, and just my bills to cover. he's going to have a mortgage and return that money to his parents- idk, so part of the reason i haven't looked into it, is i simply don't know what to look into. he'll take his truck and we do have ceramic studio equipment worth quite a lot in storage - and i imagine, knowing us , it will just stay there and we'll decide not to deal with it until later

alimony? child support - why should he support me if we have shared custody?

everyone seems to think he should. i don't know if i am going to have a steady income like him or not - and the way it looks certainly no retirement plan anywhere on the horizon - so i guess i will have to look into all of that...someone said something about being eligible for their 401 K if you are married a certain amount of years.

he seems to even be open to the idea of sort of waiting for my citizenship to come through = the "lucky" part there is that there is no way to even begin to get an answer from the immigration dept. about how long before it goes through.

so in that sense, h is not acting like the bad guy here at all. in fact he seems so riddled with guilt that he is going the other way - overcompensating.

and then of course, i ask myself - is it right to think of him like this and trust him still?

he accused me of not trusting him in that phone call - and i stayed quiet - but thought to myself - where is this man i used to know - he would never have asked that question.

but then again we know - that they believe they are doing nothing wrong because THEY have announced that the separation is official, so it is not a matter of broken trust in their eyes...

i have already decided to do one thing through this process - to treat it as I would a business transaction. Would I do this with a stranger, would I accept these terms with a person I was doing fair business practice with?

and i have also decided that if h starts geting nutty I will say those same words to him.

only catch - i've never really done any business transactions before grin - there's another 180 for me

ng - you and vera have already gone through this - thank you for sitting next to me as i have my turn.

you are a dear dear friend

{{{{{{{{ }}}}}}}}}
zig

me 46 H 38
M10yrs T 11
S10
BD ow 8/11
h filed 9/25/12


"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"