hi and wow - you sure have alot of guts & gumption. I have a h (mate) in mlc- he is away two or three weeks at a clip , then back for a couple. he's got an affair going on- i hate it .i hate it-
i haven't done anything as exotic as you moving in secret. your h will certainly not view you as a doormat. we're not married and own a house together. i have no legal rights, am treading lightly until i have a job or a firm plan or a life of my own before i "declare war". part of me wishes i had your balls. i am a terminal "over-thinker" - oh well huh? we all have to muddle thru this crap at our own pace in our own way i guess.
I'm so sorry you find yourself here. but it's helped me quite alot and i find i run here for some fellow feeling when i'm really brooding & in the pits. it's a good thing. lots of people offer their bits of input- it help[s to gain a perspective from other angles.
anyway- mine says no to letting go of ow also - (back a year ago when i found out and blew up, etc.) - before i found this book and it described him exaclty). honestly- i have no idea how it will all end for me. i have not said it again- i share your problem of no one here to see my little changes and 180s and different me getting a life. i don't know how the hell we make it work - i just try when i see him- i have a hard time not picking up the phone when he calls - but i don't all the time. i'm pissed that i sit here at his mercy - the person who cares less has all the power. there's not a hell of alot of justice going on here.. i don't call him- if you figure out some wonderful way to make your changes obvious over the phone- let me know.
know alot of us are out here trying to do the same things as you- fingers crossed that we can achieve something. good luck . everyone tells me be patient- this is something that doesn't happen over night. i've known for a year, suspected for two and he's been cold & critical for about 4 (God only knows what before that). he's lots nicer lately- i do not know why or what is up- he is not a talker about feelings.
i wonder on and off if i'm crazy to bother- sometimes i'm sure it's worth it. sometimes i think i'm wasting my life- then i think i'm not doing anything better at this moment- so remain calm and flying below the radar. we'll see.
I am apparently lousy at "reading " men- but in my humble opinion i wouldn't think you are killing the relationship- just stating your intentions and what you will and will not live with?! again, good luck - do you know when he returns or just sit and wait.
