I feel your pain so much, I really do. It still never ceases to amaze me how someone who we love so much could hurt us so badly. And the worst part... Seemingly not to care.
I read your recent post, and had a flashback...
We had our 10 year anniversary back in June. I think I did some things right, some things wrong, and some I'm just not sure about.
I think both of us were feeling anxious about the looming anniversary date. I decided that I was not going to bring it up, and see what happened. About 2 weeks before the date, he brought it up. Asked me if I wanted to do something. I told him that was up to him and how he was feeling. He asked if we were buying presents, and I said no, but I got you a card. Of course then he actually asks me if he should buy me a card - real normal!!! I told him only if he wanted to.
As the day got nearer, I secretly made plans with a friend for the day. If he came around and wanted to do something, great. If not, I would not sit home and wallow.
Well, he never did ask me to do anything, and instead made other plans. Nice.
Of course I was upset. That morning, I went to give him my card and he said he would open it later. Ouch.
So I kept my cool until he left. Then I had a screaming, crying, door slamming, pillow punching, give him the finger repeatedly tantrum. And I felt better.
When he got home that night, he came upstairs to change. On his way out the bedroom door, he wished me a happy anniversary and thanked me for the card. He asked if I minded that he didn't get me one. I said it was okay. He said "I just don't feel like celebrating much of anything right now." I believe that is partially true.
The strange thing is... About an hour later, he comes back up to sleep in bed for the night. He's been sleeping on the couch since January.
I think that whether they openly acknowledge a special occasion or not, they do think about it. My birthday is coming up in 2 weeks, and I have been doing a daily "no expectations!" mantra.
One thing my friend said to me they really helped. She said that years from now, this one anniversary will be insignificant. That it's more important to work on the relationship than to focus on special occasions. This helped me to get a different perspective, and look at it from the big picture.
Don't get me wrong. I still feel sadness and disappointment when I think about it. Last year, we talked about going away to celebrate 10 years. We ended up not celebrating it at all.
But I survived it. You will too.
Hang in there, I know it's tough. Just keep taking it day by day.
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
