WHG: And so we file...

[workinghardguy]

Been awhile... I keep meaning to post updates and get back here but life has been very busy. It also still hurts a lot, though its manageable, and for whatever reason coming here dredges all that up again.

Just got back from a weekend with all the kids. Took all three to Chicago for the weekend to see the sites, we had an awesome time. I really miss SS and SD; the weekend reminded me just how much. But it was great to spend so much time with the uninterrupted.

W originally had to work the weekend and I volunteered to take them. Turns out mid-week she learned someone had taken her shift and she had the weekend off. At first I was irritated that she never mentioned that, but I let it go... I still would have wanted to take all the kids so it didn't really matter one way or the other.

Things remain largely unchanged. We see each other sporadically and only as it involves the kids. She drops them off or I drop them off. No change from her... no indications, nothing unless you count sending leftovers over when she drops the kids off.

I don't communicate with her, email, or anything unless it's "business" related.

Maybe that's why I don't post many updates... nothing really to update.

I keep trying to work on me and just be who I am. The local meetup group is functioning again which is helpful. Church will start up more regularly next month which will be good too.

I can't say I'm bad off, but can't say I'm very happy either. Most days pretty happy. More happy when I have my S or the kids. There are days I still miss her. There are more days I miss having a partner and someone you have that connection with. But I still get fatigued at the idea of dating.

I'm coming around to the idea she's never coming back. It's hard to admit, even after you've admitted it to yourself and said it to yourself a hundred times. I feel really bad for my S, he so wants his family back. But you make best with what you have and play the hand your dealt.

[sayitaintso]

Glad u checked in WHG. I find it tough to come on here as much as well.

I have a lot of similar thoughts and dynamics as you. I realize I can't rush things and just try to be patient.

Have a good week.

[workinghardguy]

I don't understand my STBX... We met last month to sign the D paperwork. That same day she went to the courthouse to file it. I even met her at the courthouse because we had missed my signature on a form.

Yesterday we stopped by her house so SS and SD could get socks and stuff to take to their dad's. I was taking them bowling and their dad was picking them up from there. On STBX's kitchen counter is sitting our D paperwork. I'll admit I looked at it, it's sitting right there. She just filed it on Monday. And technically it's not even filed because she has to either a) pay someone to serve me or b) just give me the papers and I sign an affidavit that it was served. So until that happens they are not actually filed. And there's the affidavit sitting there too.

Though this does explain why she reacted so negatively when I bought my new truck. She was concerned that the debt would show on her credit report. I told her that since we had filed for divorce we were legally separated, as that's the law in our state, and so we were legally two separate entities.

No wonder her reaction... she knew we weren't actually separated even though I fully believed we were. And even now we technically aren't.

I don't get her. Next month will be one year from bomb drop, when we would be filed by Thanksgiving and divorced by Valentine's Day.

[Rick1963]

WHG don't even try figuring her out you will go nutty. Just keep on living a good life. How do you like the truck? What did ya get?

[workinghardguy]

I'm just curious how this will play out... especially since I specifically asked her on that day in July if she filed the paperwork and she said yes. At some point she's going to have to simply approach me and come clean that she didn't. But I know how she hates, hates, hates having to do that.

Bought a 2012 GMC Terrain. Wasn't exactly the one I wanted... but I opted for the remote start which probably has more use in Wisconsin than a sun roof

[jbnati]

WHG, just checking in on you. I think I've said it before, but I see a lot of similarities between your W and mine. I think my W's original game plan was to be D'd by 4/2011. Yet she started trying to move it forward again in April of this year and pushed again in early July. I hired a L 3 weeks ago and I still have yet to see the first draft settlement.

Bought a 2012 GMC Terrain. Wasn't exactly the one I wanted... but I opted for the remote start which probably has more use in Wisconsin than a sun roof

Yep, probably true.

[workinghardguy]

Oh seriously my STBX is bizarre... tonight was S's grade school orientation. She was very late so I ended up with her sister sitting down next to me. I made the mistake of asking if sister's husband would be coming which launched a tirade about how they are separated, he's a puke, etc...

So when STBX showed up I gave her a little jest about thanks for no warning on her sister's breakup. STBX joked back an apology and asked how that went. Then she explained she was late because she was helping her BFF move because BFF decided to leave her husband. BFF is in extremely typical WAW mode. Anyway, STBX talked about how sad it is, how the kids are so hurt, how hard it is to watch them go through this. How BFF made such a rash decision with no regard for reality.

Seriously. No joke. All said with a straight face.

The two moments I'm still reflecting on though were... first, when sister was on her tirade about her ex she said, "yeah, well not all of us get to have a great dad as an ex like you". Part of me took that with pride. Part of took that as maybe I'm too helpful as an ex. The second moment was when my STBX apologized for not telling me about her BFF's or her sister's dramas (I've always liked her BFF). STBX said "I'd tell you more but you're always in such a hurry to leave that we don't have time to talk anymore." So... guess I'm not hanging around anymore

One other moment that was sad but poignant. S and I walked over to his school tonight. I asked him how his day went. He spent it at STBX's BFF's new place while STBX helped her move. He hung out with BFF's kids. He told me how those kids were said because their mom and dad were getting a divorce. Just like STBX and I are getting. But then he said, "but their mom and dad don't work out their problems like you and mom do. [BFF's husband] doesn't help BFF at all, not like you help mommy make sure things are good for me and SD and SS."

Maybe that means I'm still too helpful... but at least someone notices the effort

[workinghardguy]

S and I got a ride back to my house with STBX. On the way STBX ordered pizza for her and the kids. S begged STBX to have me come over and share pizza. I could STBX wasn't really into it.. "Daddy probably doesn't even want pizza." I could've played that into an invite, STBX wouldn't have said no. But I didn't want to go where I'm not wanted. So I declined.

[labug]

I'm glad you come back and post. It doesn't appear you're doing too much for her unless there's more you're not sharing. Do you feel resentful about anything you're doing for her/them? That's my guide.

What are you doing for fun, just for you?

[jbnati]

WHG, I think the message here isn't whether you are doing too much or not, it's that you're an awesome, responsible Dad. That's what really matters anyway IMO. This is in spite of what your STBX is doing or, more appropriately, not doing.