After 18 months - H is finally filing.

[25yearsmlc]

Busting,

I think KG is saying that if OW were not pushing her h to be kind to KG, than the r between KG and H would be worse.

Sounds like that is true and h has certainly told KG that a number of times. So in a way it IS b/c of OW that he's trying to be amicable to KG and of course I think since she says he's being the dad he used to be, he does care for the kids.

DO I think a man who leaves a woman w/3 kids including a newborn is great? NO I think it stinks no matter what else.

But I read her whole thread and he was pretty mistreated for some time. NOT Defending him but am saying he's sort of a unique person, as is KG. Their sitch is different than many in that she's taking her role in the problems seriously, he gets that, but he feels as if he's done.

yes she blames herself for what were the original problems and if you read ALL of her thread, she has some brave insights.

What's missing is that SHE REALLY HAS CHANGED yet the h is saying in effect, "too little too late but thanks"... but fortunately the changes are ones KG wanted/needed to make...

KG you sound as if you are stronger/smarter and healthier than you were before. That's growth.


Bustin, I hear your concerns but I think what KG's h is saying about OW is true but OUR DB concern and gripe is that, perhaps without OW he would try again to be married....maybe. Maybe he would...

OR He'd be even angrier at her, b/c OW seems to calm him down a lot, so what if no OW existed and he made crazy demands, I mean we just can't know.

KG, LEGALLY I again applaud your self monitoring for motives. So healthy and admirable.

But your comments as I read them again suggest that the collaborative approach cannot yield you the formula amount?

Is that accurate? Why do you believe that?

IF that is true, then bag it and retain counsel. Actually I can't see a reason

NOT to hire a L now. Why haven't you hired one yet?

you can get one skilled/specialized enough to tell you

what happens if you go the collaborative way versus the confronting way.

BUT KNOW THIS, if you go for the formula, I don't see this going to court. All you are asking for it what's normal.

Yes HE can and will argue that you worked before... and your argument is "not with 3 kids so young, and NOT for awhile now" (so your marketability has been diministed, arguably...so the situation has changed.

There won't be a "trial" about it. THere will just be more legal bills in the short run if you can't do the collaborative approach.

I think you can try to do both the cost saving way AND go for the formula but a lot depends on how much your h wants to fight this. Put that responsibility on HIM, not you.
,It's true that SOME of his arguments may well work, and a court may impute some income to you but the kids are very young for that...it's iffy.

You may have to trim your time line of when you'll go back to work

or compromise with some part time work, but I think you can save SOME legal bills...

and your claim that working so much, with 3 young kids at home, WAS the stressor that created so much chaos in your marriage, is valid. IT's not shifting the blame from your poor choices but it explains a lot. And you've learned from it.

Also, truly, do you feel he can afford to pay the formula? B/C if he can, then this is a no brainer for me. THey are his kids.

You did your part, and more. Sure, you had problems and we'll agree you didn't handle them well.

But you worked MORE THAN MOST WIVES

and earned a lot AND had his 3 kids in a short time...

so while your problems contributed to the marriage's demise

your work/birthing created the family itself, AND contributed to the finances...

it goes both ways.