a new perspective

[strongerthanever]

Hi girls, thanks for checking in on me.

I Zumba twice a week every other week when I don't have my girls. I didn't file the paperwork, I started it, but needed info from h. Honestly doing it made me feel awful, and it felt much better to say the hell with it and just shred everything. So that's what I did.

I have been "off" the past few days, in an emotional funk. Fall keeps poking it's head all over the place here in Colorado, a special time for our family. I have had much more difficulty stopping my thoughts lately. I miss my stronger place, but I'm only human...

Last week I was nasty with h. Once I realized that I was ok with everything, I became aware that I had not been real around him, that I always kissed his butt. he began contracting out of no where like crazy, and I just went off! Lol.

I was so sick of his pursuit and distance that I pushed against his pursuit. Even after asking myself if it was helping me achieve my goal, I said to hell with my goal, what about my sanity??? I was really pissed.

Ahhh, none the less, the clear minded me knows that anger is never the answer so I let him come over and had a positive interaction. Stupid maturity and responsibility for ones actions...you think responsibility will ever become a dying trend? Just kidding

So now the bigger me is aware of my inconstancy, and that regardless, consistent, "higher minded" actions are needed. I not need be afraid of him being around, he only has the affect on me that I allow him to have.

Forgive my absence on your threads, I've just been "off" a little. Sending you lots of love and a big group hug.