Not a very happy story, I'm afraid..

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Thanks for the responses. Yeah, I think I'm over the 'crazy' phase. I read in another post here that someone said something to the effect of, "it's not another man, it's ME". I realized what a blow to the ego it was that I was noticing her detach and naturally assumed she was getting her needs met somewhere else. And as painful as it was to realize, it's just the fact that being with me is not fun, it's just painful for her.. So she built up her wall, slowly but surely. I guess the fortunate thing is that I finally noticed. It's still possible that she's got something going on, and she's doing very little to stop my suspicions, but there's nothing I can do about it now, and getting angry at things that are not PROOF just drives her away further. For right now, despite my fear that I might be enabling something, I need to suck it up and trust her. Or, better, detach, I think.

As for what I'm doing... I'm trying to be a better listener, not just with W, but everyone in my life. I'm trying to be more thoughtful and understanding. I'm getting a life slowly but surely, and I'm working on my physical fitness and nutrition. Been working on losing some weight for a while now, and riding my bicycle has been very therapeutic in this situation. Killing two birds with one stone there, I guess.

As for the work schedule, mine has calmed down quite a bit. I pretty much have the straight 8-4:30 job. No travel for me since June, and it looks like it will stay that way, for now at least. Her schedule is much more erratic. She works at one job Tuesday thru Friday, 8:30am to 12:30pm. Her other job (at a restaurant) she usually works Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights, and she usually works a day shift on Sunday as well. Next week, she starts night classes for her masters degree on Tuesday and Thursday. So, as far as the scheduling goes, I feel pretty trapped. I also think its something that needs to change if we're going to try to work on things.

Here's what happened the last few days. Tuesday night we had counseling, and while we were there somehow the topic of our wedding anniversary came up. That was Thursday. The previous week (when we were really at a standstill and W moved into another bedroom and we didn't talk at all for days at a time) I'd said to W, "if you want to do something for our anniversary, let me know, otherwise I'll assume you're not interested and do something else.". We had been talking for months about going to another city for a 4 day weekend and some activities, but hadn't actually started planning anything. I'd already taken Thursday and Friday off of work. At counseling, W said she'd already picked up some shifts at work for the weekend, but she was free on our actual annivsary date. So I asked her right there if we could do something for that date, and she said ok.

Wednesday, we didn't talk much. I did tell her goodbye before I went to work, but I did not see her the rest of the day. When I got home she was already in bed.

Thursday, she came in to the kitchen in the morning getting ready to leave for work and I was already there. We didn't talk much. I did offer to make her breakfast (something I always do when I have the day off) and she declined, she was in too much of a hurry. When she returned after work, we sat down and figured some logistics and travel plans out for some weddings we'll be attending in the next few months. Then we made reservations for a restaurant that night. I suggested a place we'd never been, and she sort of shrugged and said ok. So I got online and made the reservation. Then she was walking out of the room, she saw an ad for another place and immediately said she wanted to go to the other place instead. We'd talked about this place before, and she had actually applied for a job there at one point, so I knew she really wanted to try it. Normally I think I'd have said, "well we've got reservations at the other place already, why don't we try this place next time?" and I think that started to come out. But something clicked and (sooner than later) I said, "ok, I'll change it around. Give me a few minutes."

Her work during the day is only part time, 8:30 am to 12:30pm. So at this point We had two hours to kill, so I asked if she wanted to join me in the pool for a while. She did, but we didn't say much to each other for almost an hour... Just sort of floated along... Then we started playing catch with a little squishy ball and talked a bit about the place we were going to eat. Nothing too heavy. The restaurant requires a password to get in the door, which I hadn't told her yet, so we played a little guessing game with that.

Over dinner, I did raise a glass to her for our anniversary and thanked her for coming. She said thanks for changing the reservation. I also thanked her for telling me about something that had happened to her at work before posting it on Facebook. It was tiny, but I did appreciate it. That was really the oly serious conversation we had. Mostly we talked about the food and the atmosphere at the place. We ended up going to the piano bar for another drink after dinner, which we haven't done...ever, I think. So I think she had a good time.

When we got home, she was tired and wanted to sleep. I gave her a kiss before she went upstairs. She was tight as a drum and pretty much just stood there. So, I probably went too far, I guess.

Yesterday, she left for work in the morning without saying goodbye. I went on a motorcycle ride with a friend. When she got home from her other job, she answered a question I'd sent her via text and went upstairs and went to bed without saying goodnight.

Blah.