I know. My W even said if I could get us in someplace else she would consider it. I did not share the reason why I did not like the mediator, I just said I didn't care for her.

The problem is time. It would have to be early next week because I intend to file by the end of it as advises by two different attorneys. Looks like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I do want to demonstrate a willingness to work together. Maybe the attorney on Monday will have a suggestion that allows me to address temporary custody without filing, I don't know if that is even possible. I do know if I continue to let my girls live with W for much longer and take the few hours a week she has let me visit. I will be sealing my own fate.

The toughest part of this being a Christian is that I believe God already knows the outcome, that He wouldn't put more on us than we can handle, and that it would be His desire for us to R at some point and honor our vows and His bringing us together as one in the first place. I just don't feel any of that right now.

I don't see how this will play out. I'm already at my breaking point. R seems impossible.

I will never lose faith in His ability to restore anything. I believe our marriage was so wrong spiritually that He had no choice but to decimate it completely. I just don't know how to proceed the way God would want me to. Believe me, I'm praying for the guidance constantly. I want to be sure the decisions I make from here on out are what He would have me do. I just can't seem to pick up his voice right now.