Yeah, I already know I will want an attorney with me even through mediation. I did not care for the mediator my W has chosen. She shows bias when she states "you know, you have two D's and it's important for girls to be with their M as they go through certain stages"
Look, nobody has to post how BS this comment is. I already know.
The biggest issue for me is time. Two attorneys have told me I need to act quickly or the custody arrangements in place right now will become status quo. I contacted several other mediators, none can get us in right away.
So I'm left with the choice of filing myself, or demonstrating a willingness to work together as opposed to fighting, with a mediator I do not care for going in.
I would love to be able to show my W that I want to be civil and diplomatic. If I come to the conclusion that filing and fighting is in my best interest, the gloves will come off and there will be no turning back at that point. I'm ready and willing to fight and endure more pain and suffering for the sake of my children. But I would be lying if I said that's how I want it to be.
Yeah, I already know I will want an attorney with me even through mediation. I did not care for the mediator my W has chosen. She shows bias when she states "you know, you have two D's and it's important for girls to be with their M as they go through certain stages"
OMG. Yeah, that's a problem.
The mediator you guys select needs to be mutually-agreed-upon. That's a given.
I know. My W even said if I could get us in someplace else she would consider it. I did not share the reason why I did not like the mediator, I just said I didn't care for her.
The problem is time. It would have to be early next week because I intend to file by the end of it as advises by two different attorneys. Looks like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I do want to demonstrate a willingness to work together. Maybe the attorney on Monday will have a suggestion that allows me to address temporary custody without filing, I don't know if that is even possible. I do know if I continue to let my girls live with W for much longer and take the few hours a week she has let me visit. I will be sealing my own fate.
The toughest part of this being a Christian is that I believe God already knows the outcome, that He wouldn't put more on us than we can handle, and that it would be His desire for us to R at some point and honor our vows and His bringing us together as one in the first place. I just don't feel any of that right now.
I don't see how this will play out. I'm already at my breaking point. R seems impossible.
I will never lose faith in His ability to restore anything. I believe our marriage was so wrong spiritually that He had no choice but to decimate it completely. I just don't know how to proceed the way God would want me to. Believe me, I'm praying for the guidance constantly. I want to be sure the decisions I make from here on out are what He would have me do. I just can't seem to pick up his voice right now.
It is important to document that you thought the arrangement was going to be 50%-50% and you were acting on full faith.
It is important to make sure some of your friends know this.
It is important to document each time you were denied access.
Spend as much time with them. And attempt to spend as much time with them.
Make sure it is captured in a journal and email.
Stuff like , going to school , home from school. Girl-guides.. swimming... Etc... Show that you are trying to be an active father in their life.
If you have no written agreements with your wife currently then find a temp 50% 50% parent plan and send it to your lawyers and co-parenting coordinators. Stressing how a fail and balanced parent plan with both parents being active in their lives is the goal.
Then fight for that.
And yes I agree. Screw that mediator your wife has. That is pure B.S. She can spout her man hate somewhere else. Next time she says that tell her if she slanders you again that you will file a formal complaint against her for discrimination.
And do not deal with her.
God did not decimate your marriage. Your wife did.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
The toughest part of this being a Christian is that I believe God already knows the outcome, that He wouldn't put more on us than we can handle, and that it would be His desire for us to R at some point and honor our vows and His bringing us together as one in the first place. I just don't feel any of that right now.
I don't see how this will play out. I'm already at my breaking point. R seems impossible.
Faithnomore,
I know this is hard, but I'm pretty sure that would be the whole "and not unto your own understanding" part. "TRUST in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding."
Maybe as a first step, you might want to change your username. It's very defeatist, unless I'm not understanding it correctly? You're basically starting every post with a negative confession.
The toughest part of this being a Christian is that I believe God already knows the outcome, that He wouldn't put more on us than we can handle, and that it would be His desire for us to R at some point and honor our vows and His bringing us together as one in the first place. I just don't feel any of that right now.
I also think you're failing to account for your wife's FREE WILL in this equation. No, it is not ever God's desire, nor His perfect will for us to divorce. But He DOES give us free will, and He would never force us to be together. As much as His heart may grieve by your wife's actions, it is still nevertheless part of His eternal plan for her to have that choice to make.
And yours to accept it, even as you pray for a different outcome.
The toughest part of this being a Christian is that I believe God already knows the outcome, that He wouldn't put more on us than we can handle, and that it would be His desire for us to R at some point and honor our vows and His bringing us together as one in the first place. I just don't feel any of that right now.
I also think you're failing to account for your wife's FREE WILL in this equation. No, it is not ever God's desire, nor His perfect will for us to divorce. But He DOES give us free will, and He would never force us to be together. As much as His heart may grieve by your wife's actions, it is still nevertheless part of His eternal plan for her to have that choice to make.
And yours to accept it, even as you pray for a different outcome.
Tough, I know. Remember, I was there too.
Starsky
I agree with Starsky on this. There is no such thing as destiny; God will not force us to do anything. However, you are also right in recognizing that God will not give us more trials then we can handle. Of course I have actually told him when I pray that I wish he did not have such a high opinion of me, but it is that knowledge that has helped me get through some of the tougher times. I would remind you of the Garden when even Christ felt inadequate to the task at hand and called upon God to remove his trials. Yet even then he said "never the less not my will but thine be done."
Yes, God knows the outcome. He knows what you need to make you stronger and better. It is important to accept that he is in control. Things may seem hard now, and I hate to tell you this but they are likely to get harder still. But they will also get better.
Let me ask you a couple of questions. You don't have to answer here but you do need to answer. Is your wife TODAY someone that you would want to be with? If you took her back right now exactly as she is how long would your relationship realistically last? Can you honestly say that you would be happy in a relationship with your wife if she stays exactly the way she is today?
These are tough questions and the answers may be tough to face. However, when my therapist posed them to me it was like an eye opening experience. It made detaching and going NC seem so much easier because I realized that I was trying to get back together with an ideal version of my wife, not the woman that she is right now, and that a relationship with who she is would never make me happy or last. I continue to pray for her to make changes in her life but I also realize that praying is all I can do for her. Learn to focus on you right now, and you may be surprised what the Lord is waiting to bless you with.
M 39, W 34 M 15 S 14, S 12, S 9, D 7, D 6 Separated: 7/2/2012 Served: 7/10/2012 Divorced 11/5/2012
Let me ask you a couple of questions. You don't have to answer here but you do need to answer. Is your wife TODAY someone that you would want to be with? If you took her back right now exactly as she is how long would your relationship realistically last? Can you honestly say that you would be happy in a relationship with your wife if she stays exactly the way she is today?
These are tough questions and the answers may be tough to face. However, when my therapist posed them to me it was like an eye opening experience. It made detaching and going NC seem so much easier because I realized that I was trying to get back together with an ideal version of my wife, not the woman that she is right now, and that a relationship with who she is would never make me happy or last. I continue to pray for her to make changes in her life but I also realize that praying is all I can do for her. Learn to focus on you right now, and you may be surprised what the Lord is waiting to bless you with.
