New to 180.. Any advice to make it work?

[rubysgem]

Thanks... I am so fed up and even with myself. I feel like I acted so desperately at times. Then one day I just woke up and thought hey... I am participating in hurting me too... and I thought of all the stuff I took from him since this all started and it seemed the more I took the more he dished out. And he has re-written the story of our marriage. He has even changed my character. I am now (according to him) out at bars all the time. I got fed up defending myself when I am not the one who's done anything wrong. I've read these boards for months but never did anything about the advice I've seen. It's like my husband is someone else. Even his friends and family say the same thing. He's all wrapped up in himself now. Its hard to detach but I keep reminding myself being attached did nothing but get me hurt.

It helps me so much to see that so many other people are going through the same thing and their WAS are also acting the same as mine. It's almost like he's been possessed. He is a recovering addict and to me this behavior is like how he was when he was using.

So after I told him I give up I went quiet. Which is highly unusual for me. He called the next day. I hadn't texted or left a message all day. It must have caught his attention. He wanted to know how I was. Fine. I was fine actually. He had an attitude. Tried to push my buttons... I stayed calm. Let him rant. Then I asked him why he was so angry with me. He calmed down, did not apologize of course, and said he knows it's not me, it's all him, he's the one who did this. But even this was said in a way like I was supposed to say, oh no sugar, you are not to blame, there there now... but I said nothing. He said we agreed to talk once a week and to text hi sometimes to stay in touch. I said yes I know what we agreed and for the past 6 weeks you have blown off talking to me and ignored almost every hi text. On my way home from work he called, I let it go to voicemail. He left me a message about getting home safe and said, see I do care about you (eyeroll)... more to come...