After 18 months - H is finally filing.

[adinva]

Hi KG. I'm wrestling with some of the same issues you are. I have told my H I don't agree but accept his decision. I had told him I wasn't going to help with it, and I didn't help initially, just waited, and he wasn't getting much done fast.

I've looked into contested divorce (ie handled in court), mediation, collaboration, and now feel cooperative divorce makes the most sense for us. We have no friction on child issues and that's big. The money we save goes right back in our pockets. Although I don't want the divorce, contesting it won't make any difference since he has grounds, having been separated from me for over a year.

If you disagree about money and kids, and you're not being unrealistic about what the courts would agree to, and you're willing to spend a lot of money to get more than H is offering, then you might need to go the court route. If you do collaborative divorce and aren't able to reach agreement, that money is down the drain and you go to court anyway. You should get legal advice about your options and what is the best choice in your situation.

Think hard about whether the things you're fighting on are best for the kids. Perhaps it might be worthwhile to take your sticking points and discuss them with H and a third party to "referee" such as your MC if you have one. See how close you can get to agreement before you start paying lawyers to reach agreement.

Wish I could help you more KG but I definitely feel for you. This is so hard.

I think every day that there's a chance my sitch will turn around, even though there is no evidence to suggest it. If it is going to happen, you need to protect your kids and yourself by getting counsel and good advice.