After 18 months - H is finally filing.

[25yearsmlc]

KeepGoing

I MISSED YOU!

You are among the most impressive cases of personal honesty and self awareness around.

You really OWN a lot of your situation but did not give up on it either. I so admire that. What grace and dignity you've shown!

Most LBSers change their "commitment to work on themselves" approach the minute they hear of OPs.

Suddenly the LBSer only recalls that the "marriage was pretty good UNTIL EVIL OW", and it's sometimes just a lie.

But many tell themselves that, and the "affair" becomes their sole focus. YOU did not do that, and you still don't and

I applaud that candor and constant self monitoring. You kept the focus on your own personal work. Amazing.

With that in mind, I do have a slightly different opinion on the legal matter or maybe it's the same as you have.

I like/prefer the state formula, Here's why and I swear it's why. (no revenge motive and not even stalling as a motive, truly, b/c I want you to move on too, if that's what this "time" is)

While yes you did earn a good income b/c you worked the WHOLE MARRIAGE WHILE HAVING 3 KIDS IN 4 YEARS, ( )

you realize now how obviously bad that choice was and you don't wish to repeat it any sooner than necessary. It was far too demanding on you, and the kids AND the marriage AND you, paid a price for that mistake.


I'm a little annoyed that 1) he doesn't see the mistake/damage of the chaos, as being what caused the bulk of the problems you felt, (yes I know, you expressed your feelings poorly. We know. We get it.

But you were in a Sherpa lifestyle that's crazy hard, to be fair.

b/c your life style and expectation of having 3 kids in four years

WHILE working long hours

at a stressful job and

being "HAPPILY MARRIED" was...INSANE...

I know, b/c I got sucked into that for awhile too.

So get the money it'll take to stay at home as long as you can, and get some alimony.

Why be punished for the slave like years you busted your butt

AND had his kids? If you never worked you get more money and so he's essentially penalizing you for working during all that time.

I know it sounds angry but I promise you it's not. At least not mostly.

It's FOR the kids so they are not constantly adjusting to your work schedule or his or OWs - And so they have ONE parent consistently around and so they don't have the chaos of before.

keep it simple for now.

Hire a L and see if a collaborative approach can work

WITH YOU going for the typical formula w/you getting alimony so you can have more time with the kids.

(Remind me to ask what your job is too, b/c I can't find one that pays well and doesn't require heinous hours)

But to me, this is NOT about stalling or controlling.

That's you getting what your kids deserve without breaking the bank to do it, and without appearing controlling. it really is what is best for the kids at this time, imo.

Have you felt ANY interest in dating? Just curious as to how you'll approach a r with someone new.


((( )))