After 18 months - H is finally filing.

[keep_going]

MrBond -

Thanks for checking in. I am definitely documenting everything - I appreciate the advice, though.

I have not replied to H yet. I really have not retained a L (just consulted the one H is referring to when we first discussed collaborative).
My thought has been that I would retain the L when H filed, so I am not really sure what his L is going to do or how I should respond, if at all. He knows where I stand because we last discussed this less than a month ago.

Yet I find myself checking my motives after his email. I want to make sure that my decision comes from an honest place based on what I think is best for me and my children and not out of anger or wanting to further control.

I am not worried about H getting upset, but the truth is that there would be a very significant cost difference if we could do this collaboratively - about half the cost... So I cannot help but wonder if in the end I would be doing a disservice to my kids by spending that money IF we could indeed find a way to resolve it collaboratively.

Everything my H has proposed financially up to now is NOT fair (in CA there are set formulas to follow and he was offering a lot less). I told H from day 1 that I don't want more or less, but simply whatever the formula dictates in our sitch.

In addition, I have asked for no overnights with OW and kids and not bringing OW to kids' activities until D is final and H said he cannot accept that.

We also have disagreements about custody...

So in my heart I have felt all along that we are just not going to be able to collaborate since we are so far apart on such critical issues and I don't want to help him with this D process in any way either. Those are my main motives for not wanting to do this collaboratively, but if anyone sees anything else, please - I'd love to hear it. I want to be kept honest and not vindictive and I trust that people here would point it out if I was.

Thanks in advance