Hopeless optimist...

[25yearsmlc]

I want you to read this very carefully, b/c I'm afraid you are deceiving yourself more than your W is. As long as she has (I believed you called it a fantasy) of another man, she will not feel romantic sparks for you.


Sandi I rarely disagree w/you and am reluctant to do so without knowing all the facts. And I don't have all the facts so let me state that up front. But let me parse this sentence above^^ a bit...

I have at times fantasized about OMs...NOT men in my real life, at least not consciously. But guys on TV or athletes, and literally a guy I made up when I was a teenager whom I still have dreams of every few years. I don't see that as a threat to my m. There are times when my h has bad breath or isn't as attractvie to me at the moment but I rarely reject him physcally and sometimes I need to think outside the box. I do know I'm not alone in this habit. And my feelings of love/attraction for my h, DO return in time. But when there are gaps, it seems safe to have a way of handling that lack of attraction without rejection. Don't know if I'm being clear about this, it's pretty personal and intimate.


You keep trying to convince us that there isn't a third party, but there is. Even if a woman fantasizes about some man she's never met in real life, it has a negative affect on her R with her H, b/c so much of her feelings give way to the fantasy that it doesn't leave room for romantic sparks with her H.


If she's fantasizing about OM as her husband, maybe no sparks are left. But a man she's never met has a negative affect on her R with her h....every time?

I'm not on board w/that opinion, but maybe I'm wrong. Speaking for myself, I think where I get the appetite isn't as important as making sure I come home for dinner...however, I will read this thread before going further.

But to be clear, I'm not comfortable with fantasies about real men in her life that she has conscious thoughts of.

Some MEN CAN do that w/women in their life, and they assume women are the same (eg that they are separating the sex from the r) and I disagree. For most women, We dont' separate our emotions from sex for long, generally.


There have been other men come here who didn't seem too concerned and would refer to their W as having some a fantasy over some "friend" or coworker or whoever. But sooner or later they had to find out that they were mistaken not to take it seriously.

Regarding the anniversary card.......the fact that she did not get you a card should tell you that she doesn't care to receive one either. She's just not "there".

I don't think going on dates is wise at this time. It's just not the way to get her interested.