Need help with detaching and hoping to reconcile.

[lillystillinlove]

Hi all,

I'm having a hard day. This has happened a couple of times. I get an overwhelming sense of sadness and anxiety. I cry and have a hard time pulling myself out of it. I think about H being out of the house, is he trying to work things out or is he just living life and avoiding. Most times when I interact with him face to face or on the phone he ends up angry about something. I don't know how to resolve this problem. Any move I make seems to be the wrong one. How do I figure this out?

H was here for dinner, finishing some homework and bedtime. He was stressed and easily set off. The whole afternoon was set off on the wrong foot. He asked what time our S's TKD belt ceremony was, I texted him with the time and assumed he would be there. He said k I'm headed to the car. I thought nothing of it and assumed I would see him. When he didn't make for the beginning I sent him a picture of him putting on his new belt. I received a call and he was angry that I didn't call him and tell him it had started. I know, and believe me when I say I know, that if I called he would have caught attitude with me reminding him. He was a crank from that point on. He was irritated at our S6 about getting HW done, mad at me for not chiming in and backing him up, mad about out 14yo dog that is in bad shape (demodex that is out of control right now, broken ACL so she's unstable on her feet, arthritis) meanwhile he hasn't lifted a finger to assist with her care. How do I combat anger and attitude. In the middle of all this there was a sweet exchange between all of us. H&S were comparing biceps (daddy has great ones), well S wanted to see mine so I came over and flexed. H was impressed and even touched me to see how hard/big it was.

So I get confused. Is he mad at himself and taking it out on me? Am I the punching bag right now? Do I ask him to ask me the questions he actually want answered instead assuming I will just know what he wants to know and answer appropriately? I did stand up for myself and he backed down but I don't want our interactions to be like that. How do I figure this out? Do I bring it up in MC? The problem there is that he already feels attacked in there. I feel stuck. Do I write him an email? Do I just let it be?

Per my previous posts I'm trying to do as little damage as possible. I just can't figure out, in these situations, to do that.

You know, I think maybe all my anxiety today is coming from the potential this weekend has. Seeing the OW's H and 2 of our very close friends. I'm nervous about coming home and answering questions. I already know my H thinks the OW's H is out for some type of revenge. He'll want to know what was said. IF I am successful in not engaging in conversation (I'm sure I won't be but one can hope) H won't believe me. If there was discussion and H wants information, I'm the one that gets the brunt of the anger. ****SIGH****

What was on my packing list again? Tight rope, 4inch stilettos and big girl panties. Okay packing now.