I want you to read this very carefully, b/c I'm afraid you are deceiving yourself more than your W is. As long as she has (I believed you called it a fantasy) of another man, she will not feel romantic sparks for you.

You keep trying to convince us that there isn't a third party, but there is. Even if a woman fantasizes about some man she's never met in real life, it has a negative affect on her R with her H, b/c so much of her feelings give way to the fantasy that it doesn't leave room for romantic sparks with her H.

There have been other men come here who didn't seem too concerned and would refer to their W as having some a fantasy over some "friend" or coworker or whoever. But sooner or later they had to find out that they were mistaken not to take it seriously.

Regarding the anniversary card.......the fact that she did not get you a card should tell you that she doesn't care to receive one either. She's just not "there".

I don't think going on dates is wise at this time. It's just not the way to get her interested.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!