I really feel for you. This is a very tough stage in the separation / OW saga.
My husband has been with his OW for over a year now. They are now open and are slowly introducing each other to the kids.
Him exposing OW to mine, who are 4, 3 and 1 has been a constant source of arguments. I feel like they are so young and can't even comprehend what a marriage and separation is, much less what a girlfriend is.
I, like you, also want to protect them and their view of marriage.
The truthis that H is doing what he wants and will continue to do so. My fighting it has only hurt our R and interactions and kept me resentful and in victim mode.
It's better to let it go. Maybe the Brady Bunch reality will hit them hard, maybe it will work out for them. Out of your control. Focus on being the best mom you can and giving your kids an example on the things you can control.
As for finances, my H also asked for more custody once he saw what he would pay in alimony and child support. (we are also in CA). It was so sad to me... I saw his financial motivation clearly.
Yet he is now really invested back in their lives and I believe he thinks that with OW's help, he can truly do joint custody, so he is going for that. Double win for him - he has a new family with OW and he gives me less money.
So don't be surprised if he changes his mind about that.
Hang in there. This is all ugly stuff - I know first-hand. I so wished you didn't have to go thru it. (((hugs)))
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
