It doesn't help that from what I have learned (and I snooped A LOT at the beginning), OW is actually a nice person and my H always told her we were done and he would never come back since I was abusive to him. He has told me that OW pushes him to get along with me and if it wasn't for her, our R would be a lot worse and she wants to be a good influence in my kids lives. Cannot compete with that right now...
seems to me, if she were such a "nice person" she wouldn't be taking another woman's husband. so he told her you are "abusive" and that isn't true, right? yet she conveniently believes it, even though by now she should have realized he is lying. all the rest ("pushes him to get along with me" etc) is just - she is stealing what is yours, and giving you the crumbs.
Too- Thanks for the input.
We have had a rocky separation, with lots or arguing at times, so I have been a pretty mediocre DBer at best in that regard and it has just fueled and validated my Hs argument to OW.
From findings of my own (thru snooping), I do believe OW would have never considered my H if she thought our M had a chance. I think in most affairs the offending spouse has to lie to some degree to OP (and themselves) about R and spouse.
At the end of the day, it's my Hs perception of OW what matters. I had included this info about OW only to highlight the impossibility of competing with the affair, which is something that I always believed anyways, even if OP was a loser.
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
