Faithnomore: Just wanted to chime in here and let you know that I agree with breakdown about what she said, I used to be that angry guy and when someone said something to upset me I would say whatever I knew would cut them deepest. It wasn't the only tactic I used to hurt, but it was certainly a frequent one she got scared and was hurting a bit and she wanted you to feel some of that as well, its really that simple.
As far as fighting about custody goes....each state is different and you really need to talk to an attorney to help you understand what your state does, it may help ease your mind, or could make it worse, but for me not knowing is worse than anything. I called a couple this week just to chat...didnt cost anything and found out some interesting information I didnt know. #1 that where we live there is no such thing as a no fault divorce so they must show cause and if you fight the cause its virtually impossible to prove unless there has been physical abuse or an affair and my sitch has neither, therefore if I fight cause she'll have to wait out an 18 month seperation to get a divorce. #2 In my state judges almost never give joint unless both parties ask for it....the reason being that joit requires that both parties work together and unless their willing to do that a judge doesnt want to demand it b/c judges only care about whats best for the kids.
Again I have no idea where you live or what your state laws may be, but a lawyer will fill you in quickly. Explain to them that you don't "want" a divorce and you do want your kids and see where they go from there. I'll briefly explain how #1 and #2 above work to my advantage.....if she wants a divorce now then she's gonna have to agree to at minimum joint custody, otherwise I fight the cause and she has to be seperated another 16 months before we can legally divorce. So while dragging my feet on this thing may mean that I make her so angry that she says we'll never have a chance....the offer is always there for her to go ahead and agree to my terms and she can get a divorce now. Its a leverage thing and while its not something I hope happens in my sitch.....as far as my son is concerned i'll do whatever it takes to be in his life and not just be with him every other weekend.
