I'm sure some vets will chime in here, but I know how you feel. We've had those talks, we've talked to attorneys, we've planned our lives apart to an extent. I think the key to keeping your sanity (and you will read this over and over in these forums) is to detach and GAL.
It's difficult because you don't have control of the situation, but you have to let go of the stuff you can't control and focus on the stuff you can.
Talking to an attorney will help with some of the unknowns. They can explain what is typical in your state, what you're likely to get and not get. After that, the threats become less threatening, and your own fears are lessened.
Fighting for your children doesn't have to be nasty, so I wouldn't put my mind there. For me, it's more of a "matter of fact." Of course I will fight for 50/50 with my children....but I can do so calmly, without malice.
Try to stop mind reading your W....you have no idea what she will do or won't do. You can't control it, so stop wasting energy on it. Focus on you, and your kids.
