14 Months Secret Separation: talking mediation

[adinva]

My S14 took off in my car yesterday with his friend. He's never driven before, and obviously knew this was bad. He wasn't even sneaky about it, just super pumped that he drove! He brought the car right back into the driveway a few minutes later.

I sometimes feel unprepared to raise a spirited boy child.

I told S and his friend a few of the major reasons they might not have considered why this was a dangerous thing to do, let them know how angry I was, and drove his friend home instead of to the lacrosse field where they wanted me to take them.

When H got home I told S14 I expected him to go in and explain to dad what he did, and apologize for stealing our car. H was really angry but when we were alone I asked him what he thought and he said he didn't want to make any decisions while he was still angry.

Wow. Just what my IC said. So happy to see this progress in H. I thought he would beat the boy (not that I have good reason to think this) or break some of his stuff (I do have reason to think this) - bottom line is I just don't know WHAT H will do when he flies off the handle. This change was remarkable. I told him at the time that I thought that was really good.

S wasn't allowed out the rest of the day although he had plans. And yet somehow when I went in to say good morning to him, there was another big pair of bare feet on the floor next to his bed. I asked S who that was and he sleepily looked over and said, oh, that's R. I feel like my kid is a falcon spiraling farther and farther from me as he takes charge of his life and tests his limits. It's frustrating and scary. At least I can say he's not repressed like I felt as a kid.