I'm mainly trying to point out the basic "push/pull" laws of human dynamics, esp. romantic interpersonal relationships. It never ceases to amaze me how LBSs can't understand how their spouse's DUMPING them made them wake up, and begin to pursue them, and to learn to use that to their advantage (within a framework of legitimate self-improvement).
Starsky: Great post....I think its exactly where I find myself today. I do have one question though, and mind you I have read DB and DR but can't seem to find DR so its been a few years since I read it. What are the big guns? Are you talking about exposure? I know thats a grand debate here...my question is this, I don't know for sure about OM....I think there is (I know mind-reading but lets just say i've been here before and kind of know the signs) so as of this week i've decided to treat it that way. Which really is a change of approach for me, before I was gray at best and trying to be friendly....im pretty black right now and while cordial im not really shooting for friendly. Im not ready to snoop and get evidence yet...mainly b/c of the whole she may file in a month thing. If that happens then the entire dynamic changes in my mind and not only will my lawyer drag this out 18 months, i'll be more....for lack of a better word agressive in finding out info.
And i'd also like to share to all the other LBS out there. 6 years ago when we seperated due to PA my wife said the exact words that all of them seem to say....that to her it was over so it wasn't cheating. We all know its absurd...but surely at least logically we can all understand that they have to rationalize it in their head that way, if they don't then they have to look in the mirror and admit they're "bad" people going against their own morals. Its no different than someone who has always said divorce was bad for kids now saying that the kids will bounce back and it won't affect them...its pure rationalization...changing the story to fit just like happens in every other aspect.
Starsky and others.....ive got a few more questions that are unrelated so I won't post here but if you wouldnt mind checking my thread later i'd appreciate your input.
Carnac,
Not really sure what you're referring to by "big guns," since I didn't mention that, at least not in the quote you provided. I'll try to check out your thread, but if you want, I'm going to start hanging out more on my "Transparency" thread here, and can answer any questions you might have. I do think you should trust your gut, though.
