can Turtles still stand?

[zig]

thanks ng

and i'll take a hug with that, too if that's okay.

some of this stuff is bringing up stuff within me and i'm not really sure where i'm at with all this. reading that post of yours and thinking about self-responsibility, and how that has been something i have never really taken on for myself - and still don't in many ways.

how i get overwhelmed alot, and then just drop or don't deal with something that's "too much for me to handle"

and how i use the above phrase to often not step up and be responsible for myself.

how i'm still learning what that means, and that there are new challenges all the time.

i'm suddenly feeling lonely tonight (as if that's new!) but i got good news and even though i don't have a strong urge as before to share it specifically with h, i would have liked to share it with someone. tried to tell s about it on the phone, but he was tired and lying in bed next to h, and was not responsive at all.

i did call my sweet friend and tell her, but it didn't feel quite the same, even though she was so so happy for me. i was really happy in that moment with her, but afterwards, i started feeling the loneliness. i must focus on just being ok with where i am, even while i acknowledge that this is how i feel

still have to work on just being okay to be quietly alone with my good news - maybe later with friends..

i'm finding out that even though i really have reached a place where i accept what is going on and have really accepted being alone, now new things are coming up for me, deeper stuff that i need to face within myself - and even though in the past i could pretty much not acknowledge them, now i can and even see where i have to act. but taking the steps to actually DO them is not coming so easily.

maybe first the awareness has to come and then i can work through it. i can't change everything overnight, so will try to just stay conscious of it and do it the best i can.

i do have IC tomorrow, and maybe i will bring this up and talk to her about it.

i'll work towards fine like wine for now

zig