Needing some guidance... 5

[jks]

Another reason I've been so down is because yesterday when my H dropped off the kids, the first thing my S4 says to me as he's walking through the door is, you don't need to take us to the amusement park anymore because daddy already took us. I said, really? Cool. My H was standing right there and didn't say anything. Then the door was shut and my kids continued to tell me that OW went with them and it was so fun... OW's favorite ride is... blah, blah, blah. I immediately started crying. I couldn't hold it in. I actually cried for a long time.

I was planning on taking them to the amusement park but the day we had it scheduled, I got sick. So I told them we would figure out another day. The thing that hurts the most is just thinking of my kids riding the rides with OW and them connecting with her so much. Plus, I was so excited to see D1 ride her first rides. And I missed it. Just constant heartache.

I still have no idea what my H is planning on doing. He doesn't talk to me about anything. From his POV I'm sure its because he wants to avoid feeling guilty. I try my hardest to be happy and upbeat when I see him so he doesn't feel that way but I don't know what else to do.

He just seems to be moving so fast and I'm still on the snail trail of trying to get over him and continue on with life on my own. It's just a lot to take in from week to week. I want to be ok with it and let it go but it hurts so much every time.

I feel like I'm in love with someone I don't even know. It's so messed up.