Training yesterday was great. The people there are amazing!! The environment is very laid back and fun. The nice thing is, I can go in for a couple hours and scan the negatives that have been assigned to me and then I can just take them home on a hard drive and do my editing at home. It really is the perfect match of a job for me.
I stayed a little while longer last night to look for places to live since I live an hour and 20 min away from the area. I found an 1800 sq ft basement apt (doesn't feel like a basement, though, because it's above ground) and decided to go look at it. The place is huge. The house is located in a wonderful area and the people who own it and will be living upstairs are amazingly nice.
I actually sat down and had dinner with them after they showed me the apt. That's how much I liked them and how much they liked me. She said, the place is yours if you want it. I'm not going to do a background check because I can just feel in my heart that this will be a good thing for the both of us. She was really very sweet.
As I sit here this morning thinking about it... I do have a couple concerns. One being that they don't seem like very clean people. And I'm trying to start anew with a place of my own and to get away from feelings of clutter and messiness. I know they won't have control over my part of the home but if the outside isn't nice and clean looking then I know it's going to drive me nuts.
Also, I will have to park my car on the street. In the winter this could be a huge problem where I live. And there is a door that separately leads to the apt but you have to go down the side of the house and through a back door in the basement and then up the stairs from the basement to the second level to get there so she told me we could use her front door for convenience. I'm not sure I know how I feel about that. I don't really want other people knowing when I'm coming and going and I don't really want my kids to be running around in their home because it's so open to them.
I obviously don't know these people very well and to have my kids living with these people so closely does pose a huge concern for me.
The living situation sort of reminds me of my situation now with my mom since I'm living in her basement. I'd like to get away from that feeling. I'd really like to have my own place totally independently. I told the lady that I loved the place and that I was very interested because I loved the feeling of the apt itself and it had sooooo much space for the price. I'm just trying to weigh out everything else that was a concern.
I thought finding a place would be fun and easy and it's starting to become a little more frustrating than I wanted it to be. I guess I just need to be patient and something will open up that feels completely right.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
Hi jks, I am so encouraged by all of these steps forward that you are making.
I am confident that you will find the perfect place. That fits exactly what you need, and you will know it is home when you see it.
And am so happy for your job! It's fantastic!
(((( ))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I told the lady that owned the basement apt that I had to pass. It didn't feel right to me. I've been searching and searching all week and haven't come up with anything that feels right. Kinda feeling stressed. But I'm guessing this is just a sign that I need to take it slow and be patient. The reason I've been so stressed is because the location of my job is 1 hour and 15 min away so it's a pain to make that drive. And expensive. But they said that they're totally fine with me driving in two days a week and doing my scans and then bringing all my edited stuff back the next week. So I do need to be patient.
I've had a rough last couple days. I miss my H. I miss my family. I'm going out to find a new place for myself and I'm basically starting over. New friends, new job, new school for my kids and no H. It's hard to make these decisions by yourself when you've relied on someone else to help make the decision with you. So now I rely on God. And my constant state of confusion tells me that the places I have chosen thus far are not the ones for me. I'm just going to stay put for a while.
Feeling tired and emotionally drained.
I did do something fun last weekend though. I went to an outdoor concert with a friend on Friday night and it rained on us. Ha. It was still super fun. Listening to some of the songs made me long for my H though. I just wanted to be close to him. We haven't ever done a concert together since we've been married... I don't think. How sad is that? I would make it a point to do that kind of stuff with him on a regular basis. Ugh. Sorry. I am too focused on him and I tend to do this when I miss him so much. And maybe it's just the closeness I miss. It's been a long time.
We all just want to be loved, right?
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
Jks, I so totally understand. I feel embarrassed to post on this forum when I feel blue because I miss my H so much. We are supposed to be strong and our own best friend and all that. But, like another poster said, we are just human after all!
Maybe the perfect place will show up just like the perfect job did? I think you were right not to take the apartment you were not comfortable with. Just think that living sitch could have proved far more uncomfortable than your current frustrating search.
I've been to two outdoor concerts alone this summer. Never did anything like that before. The first time I felt quite teary with many of the songs so glad I had sunglasses to hide behind. I forced myself to meet a family at the intermission and we befriended on FaceBook. Really quality people.
The second concert I was fine. Very comfortable. Enjoyed it immensely. Maybe it's something that becomes easier with practice. Idk.
I've had a rough week missing my H too. It's like a bed of roses -- sometimes the flowers and sometimes the thorns. Keep strong. Remember, you can do hard things! I'm counting on you!!!
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
Another reason I've been so down is because yesterday when my H dropped off the kids, the first thing my S4 says to me as he's walking through the door is, you don't need to take us to the amusement park anymore because daddy already took us. I said, really? Cool. My H was standing right there and didn't say anything. Then the door was shut and my kids continued to tell me that OW went with them and it was so fun... OW's favorite ride is... blah, blah, blah. I immediately started crying. I couldn't hold it in. I actually cried for a long time.
I was planning on taking them to the amusement park but the day we had it scheduled, I got sick. So I told them we would figure out another day. The thing that hurts the most is just thinking of my kids riding the rides with OW and them connecting with her so much. Plus, I was so excited to see D1 ride her first rides. And I missed it. Just constant heartache.
I still have no idea what my H is planning on doing. He doesn't talk to me about anything. From his POV I'm sure its because he wants to avoid feeling guilty. I try my hardest to be happy and upbeat when I see him so he doesn't feel that way but I don't know what else to do.
He just seems to be moving so fast and I'm still on the snail trail of trying to get over him and continue on with life on my own. It's just a lot to take in from week to week. I want to be ok with it and let it go but it hurts so much every time.
I feel like I'm in love with someone I don't even know. It's so messed up.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
Ouch! Jks! That has got to hurt a really lot. I'm so sorry! It makes me mad at your H and OW! It's just so unfair to you! How are you tonight -- like are you able to do something to get your mind off it? Anything?
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
I just read an email from my H stating that he wanted to touch base with me about changing his work schedule. That he'll now have Fri, Saturday and Sunday off. In the last 6 years that he's been a police officer, I don't remember the last time he had weekends off. We have never been able to have a normal schedule of just going out with friends on the weekend or just going out together because of this.
I am so heart broken that now that we're not together, he finally gets them off. I begged him for years to get weekends off and he never could. I guess OW gets to reap the benefits of everything. This was a major reason why I was depressed. I felt like I had no life on the weekends because I was always home with the kids. I always felt guilty getting a babysitter so I could go out by myself.
This man is killing me. I don't even know what to say to him. I'm so hurt. None of this even phases him. Wow.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
