Divorced. My fault, and cant move forward

[Mrs D]

I have alot of anxiety as well. My T is teaching me breathing techniques. They worked the night I was driving over to let my H know I was letting him go. I have thought and over analyzed and started thinking again almost to insanity. But I know I have to let it go. Whatever is going on with him now, I cannot change. And as my T asked me last night - what if he came back to you now? Do you think you are healthy enough to be in a relationship with him? I think that was the question that had to be asked. We would only end up here again, because I am no where near finding the end of the layers. He said when I am healthy in my head - I will know it. And only then will I ever be in a healthy relationship, whether it be with H or not.

Yes I think there is a good chance of reconciling - maybe thats just me hoping. Maybe there really isnt a chance at all. But my heart tells me there is. Its funny - I was selfish alot in our marriage, and that was one of the things I want to change. But I almost feel as if Im still selfish because I need to fix me first.