14 Months Secret Separation: talking mediation

[ces67]

LOVE zip-lining! Have fun! My W took me to do that for my 40th. It was a blast. My S13 is big enough now to do it so I'm hoping to take him this fall or spring.

OK, so on all the deeper stuff, I'll just through this in. I love my W. I feel it and choose it each day. Throughout our M, my W has struggled a bit with her weight. I noticed it but it was never an issue with me. It didn't change my love or attraction for her. One of the biggest compliments she ever gave me was that I made her feel beautiful when she didn't feel that way about herself (probably a deeper issue there that I didn't pick up on at the time).

Now, my W has dropped a lot of weight, exercises regularly and dresses a good bit more provocatively. Physically, she is very attractive, IMO. However, I find that I am less attracted to her now than ever because of how she acts. Honestly, I have lost a lot of respect for her based upon her actions and choices. If we were to meet today as if it were the first time, I doubt I'd be drawn to her. Why? One of the first things that I noticed about my W was her smile. It said something beautiful about who she was. That same smile is rarely seen anymore. Once in a while I see it peak out (Mother's day was the last time I remember).

Not sure I have a point, just my own experience. Even though I am less attracted to my W, for me, I still have a commitment and I choose to love her each day. And since we're throughout out variations of the types of love, I'll throw in the word "agape". The Greeks had several words for love while we lump our feelings for ice cream, cars, tv shows & people all into the same word.

"agape" is basically choosing to love someone with no expectations of having that love returned. Its a gift. Its there despite faults, mistakes, flaws, etc... That's what I promised my W when we got married. Its what carries me through when "Eros" (romantic love) or Phileo (companionship love) can falter at times. Obviously marriage works best when both spouses use this as foundation, but if one doesn't maybe the ongoing use of agape from one can help ride the storm until the other comes around. And if not, I still feel better about myself for trying.