He said, "Well, you could have kissed me on the lips if that's what you wanted. Why are you complaining. We had such a nice night, and there you go. Politics!"
He's sooo touchy - and not in the good way, if you know what I mean.
I said, "Yes, we did have such a lovely evening, such a nice time. I just would have liked a kiss on the lips to finish it off."
He didn't say anything other than a bit more complaining about my complaint.
How else could I have said it? Or, maybe not say anything at all?
That's the way I'd handle it, maybe next time you could try this approach..
YC: 'You forgot something' (and grab him by the collar & kiss him on the lips) 'mmmmm don't forget next time'
YC's H:
Me 34 W 32 D 9 S 6 M: 9 years T: 12 Bomb: 02/11/12 EA/PA: 12/17/11 - ongoing Moved out: Oct 2012 Joint Filed for D: 2/11/13
I do feel I'm walking on eggshells with him sometimes. He gives such mixed signals. But, you know Bill, I'm inspired by you. You are working towards being emotionally independent, and not being reactive and I still have work to do in that area. So, thanks again.
Hey that's what MWD says if something doesn't work try something different.
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I do feel I'm walking on eggshells with him sometimes. He gives such mixed signals. This will probably be some protection mechanism he might not even be aware he is still using But, you know Bill, I'm inspired by you. You are working towards being emotionally independent, and not being reactive and I still have work to do in that area. So, thanks again.
I do envy where you are at in your sitch YC, you guys have spent the time apart & are now dating again. It's not going to be like it was when you first met & started dating, there will be bumps in the road & it'll be rocky, but it's definitely worth the effort to give it another shot.
My goal has got to become emotionally independent, because right now like so many on here I have the obstacle of OP.
Unless that changes any goals I have that would bring us closer to a possible R that include my W, have to be put on hold.
I'm looking at myself as a house that is beat up & needs some renovating before anyone else can enjoy living in it. The only difference is that money can't pay for someone else to fix me up I have to do it brick by brick and when I'm ready I'll decide who I want to live in it with me.
I'm happy and proud that you didn't throw in the towel & you can see things slowly getting better with your H. There aren't enough success stories on here where couples do R
Me 34 W 32 D 9 S 6 M: 9 years T: 12 Bomb: 02/11/12 EA/PA: 12/17/11 - ongoing Moved out: Oct 2012 Joint Filed for D: 2/11/13
Sorry I haven't been on the board lately, been busy with getting myself organised for work.
Vero, that's an interesting take: assertive with affection. Not quite sure how that translates in real life, but it sounds intriguing and it's something to aim for. I really like the sound of that.
Bill, the mixed signals as a protective mechanism - I can buy that. It probably is. Yeah, I can see he is protecting himself from getting too close just in case things don't work out, yet his emotions aren't allowing him to fully connect. It's a catch-22 that I would think that many reconciling couples go through.
I have to say this is a tough road - but not as tough as the total separation was.
Separation really does put your emotions through the ringer!! Something does get lost, or changes. I will know more in a few months.
He and I are in the same boat - the difference being that I don't think I give mixed signals (at least not in my mind . I figure my emotions will at some point catch up, but no - I can't say I am all that emotionally connected so I'm letting my head lead on this one.
My emotions are beat up and I really miss feeling connected to him. I have to say I feel far more at ease that he is back in my life, and I suppose patience (more patience!!) is required to allow the love feelings to fully return.
Does MWD talks about love being a choice.
Anyway, H asked me to go with him to see his mother next week. So, we'll have a long weekend away, just the two of us for a couple of days and then next two days off to see his mother.
I met a lovely couple today, been together 4 years. She seemed more confident in their relationship than he did - but still both in love. It was lovely to see and I wondered about that closeness and emotional warmth.
Gosh, I fantasize about having some of that again one day.
So yeah, just because you start seeing each other, there are different hurdles to overcome.
Yeah if you have realistic expectations that things will be up & down with your H for a while, when things blow up the explosions should get smaller and smaller.
Hope your long weekend away goes well.
Bill
Me 34 W 32 D 9 S 6 M: 9 years T: 12 Bomb: 02/11/12 EA/PA: 12/17/11 - ongoing Moved out: Oct 2012 Joint Filed for D: 2/11/13
Yeah, I hope I continue with the realistic expectations.
Yesterday, we had a long conversation that went really well. I called him to just chat and touch base - although I was irritated with him not having called lately. I was actually very irritated about that.
Instead of letting lose, I just proceeded normal talking, and sharing my own experiences. He then mirrored that, and he is talking then about all kinds of things - which was really nice. I am so glad I did not let lose!! In the end, he was like, "Thanks for calling, that was a nice conversation. I enjoyed that."
Well, if he enjoys it so much, why doesn't he call me just to shoot the breeze?
I wonder when he is going to take a bit more initiative. To be fair, he did suggest this upcoming trip, so maybe I'm not being totally fair. But honestly, I feel like he is positioning it so that I am the primary pursuer in the everyday things.
Vero, I feel I've been the pursuer for a long time in our R, so I wanted to do a 180 on that. Let him come to me more kind of thing. Also, he has said, "I can't be forced to do something I don't want to. It's like Albert (my cat), I can't force him to cuddle with me. That's what I'm like. I will come to you."
But then if I don't call he never will.
You know what is wonderful - and a godsend - is that I have GAL'ed so much during the separation, and have so much to do I am plenty occupied. It really does help the old identity
Absolutely! GALing also helps keep the old sanity in check.
While my H blows hot and cold, I don't get wrapped up in HIS drama.
Well, I can tell you Bill, it might not make all that much difference. I am working my end, but he is not working his. I suspect (after having read some of the reconciliation posts), that most S's aren't anywhere near 'getting it' when reconciling happens. So, the road for us continues.
So, yes, it is better definitely that full blown rejection, but still not quite a comfortable relationship.
