Went to see the therapist today. He said it raised some red flags that W was talking to her friend about her problems instead of me
He told me I need to sit her down and bring it up,
Which goes against the ideas I've gotten here about not to push and she'll come to me when she's ready
???
not sure of your situation yet but your question is "My t says one thing and db says another."
My advice is to pick an approach and give it a chance before switching lanes.
Don't try to do 2-4 approaches at once or they'll all fail and be half a$$.
AND OR
tell your t of the DB approach, solution based and double check if that affects their opinion.
Til I read your thread, that's my advice and it probably IS my advice anyhow.
The other point is, do YOU TRUST YOUR T TO GET YOU RESULTS??
i've gone to several MCs and T's. I liked them all. But there's something I need from them, which is a treatment plan of sorts.
When one said to me "If we have not made progress within half a dozen or FEWER sessions, we're not working well enough together" and that was the one I stayed with. He was in alignment with DBing practices as well.
Others had re-hashed the past or justified ME leaving my h or just told me my h was a "selfish man" or "behaving like a single man."
Both statements were, in fact true, but what do I DO With that "information"?
See my point?
You need an action plan, not just a fan to listen.
Good luck
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
The action plan he gave me was to sit my wife down and tell her that if she's depressed, she needs to talk to someone (me and/or therapist) and if she doesn't want to do that, then there's medication (which he doesn't agree with)
I told him I have given her space and she hasn't talked to me about it yet. He said she shouldn't be discussing it elsewhere than me. He said its been two weeks, and that's entirely too long to go without talking about it
M 31 W 26 M 6 S 6 S 3 Separated 6/2008 Back together 10/2008 All you need is love
The action plan he gave me was to sit my wife down and tell her that if she's depressed, she needs to talk to someone (me and/or therapist) and if she doesn't want to do that, then there's medication (which he doesn't agree with) I'm not a professional t. But ^^^that's not an action plan to me; it's a demand list, with few options.
First she has to self diagnose as depressed, AND IF SO, then she must talk to YOU AND OR HIM (and if she's not depressed??? what then??)
and since he doesn't believe in medication, that's it? Him/You or nothing?
I have a hard time believing a professional therapist recommended this and only this^^^. Are you being fair to what he said?
I told him I have given her space and she hasn't talked to me about it yet. He said she shouldn't be discussing it elsewhere than me. He said its been two weeks, and that's entirely too long to go without talking about it
Not sure what he's referring to b/c I have not read your whole thread. Normally around here, 2 weeks is nothing. But all this
still leaves you with the same problem.
So, Come here and DB (really, hire a coach from here. They are very specific and detailed and helpful and God knows, I ought to know).
Or go your way with the T.
But pretending to do both will be frustrating.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
why is HER Depression your problem? Is she a danger to the kids, you or herself?
If not, why can't you back off for a whole lot longer than 2 weeks?
I mean like a few MONTHS? Seriously...she's MAYBE depressed....so let HER get help
but stop fixing her b/c it's smothering to HER.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
