So yes, BO you indicate that once you found DB, your initial "technique" was LRT. As was mine. Saddly, many who end up here are in need of LRT. It is actually one of the first directives by vets to newbies.
In this initial case though, LRT would be for the LBS to settle themselves and is to be temporary. After that, we "begin with beginner's mind" and go through the book in the soft approaches.
I've noticed what we seem to have in this thread though, is a showing of two, distinct approaches.
The grey approach (ignore the OP, they are a symptom) and the black/white approach (no R with OP in picture).
Personally, I came here black/white. I left the home because of the OP being in the picture and would not have anything to do with my W while there WERE OPs.
It took me to realize that, once the OP is in play...
AN M IS DEAD!
Once I began to operate on that mind frame, it does not matter whether the OP is in play or not...
We ain't M.
And then... I can stop focusing on the OP and start focusing on the real task at hand. Working on myself and building a friendship... rather than fixing a M...
That, for me, is the "soft" approach. Who cares about the OP... there is no M to save... every interaction with my W is now from a place of getting to know any woman who is NOT M to me and in a R with someone else.
