Can anyone tell me whether the on one day off another day is normal?
Also can I take her talkin about future plans as a good thing even though I have not gotten a shred of anything other than said plans that she feels we can work?
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
You're over-analyzing everything. Right now just take things in stride. You seem to be doing alright. Just remember, the conflict is in her, not necessarily in the things you do or don't do.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
It's sooooo hard not to analyze everything. Lol... It's what I do, I pick apart a situation until I find the issue and then I implement a solution. Hmmmmm now that I think about it I feel like that is a little bit of a control issue..
Today is MC session #2, Wednesday I start getting answers to my job interviews, thursday is our anniversary and Friday we are pulling an all day work day to put down epoxy flooring at the shop.
Busy week, need to put some time aside for me somewhere in there.
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
"Backslid a little this morning. Went in for a spooning session while waking up even though she didn't seem to mind it didn't feel like she was into it."
Spooning is not a good idea while you are trying to detach. I know that when I was going through my WAW issues, I wanted no intimate contact such as cuddling with my H. Make it one of your daily goals and mark it on your private calendar (if it will encourage you) that you got through that day without initiating spooning sessions.
The "on again, off again".....if I follow what you're saying, is certainly a stage that I remember well. It was rough. Although I was not discussing it with my H (I was trying to make up my mind as to what I was going to do.)
Look at it this way, at least for now......she's considering staying and working. She may go back & forth with it for quite a while, so I'd suggest you not get caught up in it. I use to change back & forth at least twice a day. I'd start off the day trying to talk myself into staying...and by evening I would be talking to OM.
I personally don't believe MC works very well (most MC) when there is a WAS in the M. She has to be willing to do the work and if at all possible....have an ounce of wanting the M to work. Without that.....well, your MC had better come up with something close to a miracle. Just don't depend fully upon the MC being the answer. Once she really decides she's ready to push up her sleeves and go to work....then C might benefit her. That's JMHO.
Please don't let that last statement pull you down to the ground, but I'm trying to give you a glimpse from the eyes of the WW. A WW is "rebelling" and therefore she'll resent any MC.
Let us know what you hear from the interview. Good luck.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
It's funny you mention the MC and my W needing to be the one who has at least a small desire to make our M work. Our first session together she told wife that it is most certainly possible to make our M work as long as there is at least part of her that wants it too and that the majority of her thinks it can.
She didn't ask my wife to talk about it, only to think about it. I hope at least 51% o her believes we can work, I am also grateful there is no OM and she has no desire to go that route.
Sooooooo MC asked W tough question yesterday. She keeps reiterating to W that the "spark" is not what creates a good M it's the commitment and how you work together to make it through situations like this. She made mention again that we have a great foundation and then asked W whether she saw me as being the father of her children and I am the man she wants to build her life with.
She basically cut through a lot of the crap and told my wife to take a long hard look at whether she thinks I am the ideal mate to her. I know I am and I know she thought I was and I still think deep down she knows I am. A month back she had a dream that I was being seduced by a other woman, when she woke up she attacked me sexually and told me all about the dream. In m opinion your body and your mind don't give you those signals if there is no sexual spark there.
I wanted to remind her of all the qualities that she loves in me that I know she will never find all in another mate. But I kept my mouth shut. She asked me how I felt about the session on the way home. I told her I was glad we found this MC as she seems to be asking the tough questions and not dragging us through our issues but actively trying to find the issue/solution.
The MC seems genuinely attracted to the idea that we have a great base for a lifelong M but that it's going to take W to realize that as well otherwise it's a losing battle. MC also wants me to email her so we can talk about ways to calm my anxiety down as she said that can only hinder the process.
This morning was tough, I had my first nightmare that she had left me woke up and she was still next to me. Started thinking about how long I will be able to wake up next to her. I wanted to wake her up and tell her how much I am dying inside thinking about her leaving.
I know that there is no man out there who will be able to offer her what I do. But god I wish she comes to that conclusion sooner rather than later.
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
Today as we work out in the shop she is all smiles towards me.... Tomorrow is our anniversary and I don't know whether I should get a card or write her a letter. Nothing pressuring but just feels weird. Being our first anniversary in 6 years that I will not be buying her anything or planning a romantic evening....
Sigh.... This weekend we are doing our no strings attached dates. She is taking me on a hike to go cloud watching. Then I am taking her mountain biking together for the first time. I hope I don't backslide, this is going to be a serious test.
I am an amazing guy who has a ton to offer...
Detach, patience and lots of love.
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
I was thinking the same thing, just a simple card, nothing too mushy. Just don't want to do ANYTHING that might push her further or make her feel more crowded... Any of the females want to chime in too?
Like I said, still no real desire from W to have any physical contact or I love you's lately. Sooooo... Lol off to dinner.
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
