I too always had a hard time giving W the space she wanted and needed. I've always been a very affectionate person who truly enjoys spending every waking second with W, but that didn't jive with what she needed. She always had her independence before we met, and I'm sure she feels she lost some of that... Now, she could have done plenty to get more space, but I'm willing to accept that as a big change I'll need to make if/when our paths cross again.
I also HATED when any type of argument wasn't resolved before bedtime... I simply insisted on talking it out until I was satisfied that the issue was put to rest... which almost never happened. She is the type that needs to sit and mull it over for a while, and me being "Mr Fix It RIGHT NOW" always pushed my agenda... Another thing I'm learning to change thanks to this time I've been given.
Its amazing how many similarities so many of these situations have. I remember years ago when my W and I went to see a marriage counselor (man do I wish now we had stuck with that longer.....a month in we thought everything was rosey so we quit and now here we are) anyway, when we went and he started talking about problems I realized so quickly that our situation wasn't at all unique and most couples have some variation of the same problems.
You saying you needed to talk it out and she needing time to gather her thoughts rings so true with me. I can't even begin to tell you how many times,looking back, that we had "discussions" when later I realized she never said anything b/c either I didnt give her the chance or she hadn't had time to think it through and then i'd basically brow beat her with my opinion. I can even remember her saying she didnt wanna talk about it right now, whatever the it was and I saying I just wanna say this one thing or something similar. Im not here to take all the blame....sure she did alot of head burying and really is so conflict avoidant that if I didnt bring something up repeatedly that she would "never" get around to talking about it b/c she would rather just bury her head and hope that it goes away.
So im not gonna take all of the blame but still...dang I was stupid. Its amazing what a little therapy and alot of introspection can do for someone. And im not sitting here telling you "im cured" and wouldnt do it again tomorrow if I wasn't dilligent about paying attention, but I can certainly tell you that looking backwards I can recognize what an "idiot" I was and in my next relationship I will do things DRASTICALLY different.
I'll agree with you as well that DOING NOTHING is absolutely the hardest thing i've ever done.
And its funny cause I can't even bring myself to say that i'll be fine either way yet. Im gonna be a better person no matter what...and im gonna have good relationships no matter what....but im still at the point where if I lose my wife im gonna hurt for a LOOOOONG time.
