Ok-- I get it. I do understand the concept of no pursuit while H is with OW. I really do. And I admit, before I found DB I was doing that. He did not miss me, I am sure he lost a lot of respect for me, and to be honest, after I started DB unrealised I had lost a lot of respect for myself as well. I found DB in May. My sitch has been going on since 2010. I stopped pursuit immediately. I went complete NC. It took two weeks and he contacted me about the kids.
. . .
I remained NC. I let him initiate contact with regards to any business matters or the kids. I understand that I need to outlast the affair if there is a chance ( unless like chatter said it is an exit affair, which I had not thought about before).
I do not want to give him myself while he is with OW. I have started to realise and have faith in myself that I am and can be a better person. I am regainging my self esteem.I am doing a lot of work on that.
I will not allow R with OW in the picture. No, he has not expressed any missing of me or desire to come back, but I was pursuing him from day one of our sitch. It's only since DB that I have been NOT pursuing, etc. It's only now that he MAY start missing me, rethinking...etc.
But he is not here, so the only chances he may see that are when we do have these brief convos about the kids or money matters. And the couple of times we saw each other over the summer, I DB' d my a$$ off.
. . .
By no means do I believe that just because OW may be out of the picture one day he will come running back. And even if he did, I know that is still not enough to R.
. . .
Maybe I am being naive because my sitch has been going on for so long...however since DB I feel like something different has happened. The dynamics have changed because I have changed. And those changes are becoming permanent and real. For te better. Finally.
Then I think you should consider "May 2012" (and not 2010) as your starting point, and give yourself some sort of shorter, yet realistic internal (not communicated to husband) deadline. I usually recommend 3-6 months, if you can last that long (I couldn't).
